Anxiety ruining my relationship

[Smithsons]

Hi, ive been dating my girlfriend for 6 yearsnow.I havent been diagnosed with any type of anxiety, coz Ive never seen anyone about it,but I'm pretty confident I have it. When I was in year8 I started experiencing these intrusive thoughts. It was like a voice in my head telling me to do certain things (nothing big or serious), and if I didn't do them,then something bad would happen. The thoughts weren't severe though,because I was able to tell myself thatthey obviously weren't true, and I trained my mind to ignore them and eventually I forgot about them completely. I have weird habits though-when I was younger I used to have to continuously do this weird humming noise, and I had to do it twice, every time. That was only a phase though, I got over that as well.I had a bit of trouble completing assignments when I was in school, because I was obsessed on making sure everysentence and every word was perfect.I had this weird habit where when I completed a sentence I had to highlight it-it kinda made the sentence feel official to me. The volume and brightness on my laptop needs to be on an even number, and even after I've set it on an even number I'll need to every now and then just check to see that the number's even. When I have earphones in I sometimes need to take them out, clean them, then put them back in my ears, and I repeat this quite a few times. I never knew if thiswas something to be worried about, or if they were just weird little habits. They didn't have a huge impact on my life. Sometimes when my girlfriend takes me home, I'll think to myself, she might not get home okay.Its in moments like these,when I feel quite anxious, that the intrusive voice comes back-i'll tell myself if i don't do something, something bad will happen to her.I've been depressed for the last 3months, and its worsened my anxiety. Sometimes when im with myfamily,disturbing images about them will enter my mind, which make me feel really uneasy and upset-coz it's the last thing i want. I suffered a panic attack a monthago because I had convinced myself I was schizophrenic andgoing mental. The last three months with my girlfriend, I can never stop thinking-u love her, right? are u attracted to her? Can u really see a future with her? And much more. I was confident of all these things beforehand. These thoughts just make me feel nervous around her and it's ruining our relationship,after 6 goldenyears. I question all my actions and why i do the things i do. Whats wrong with me?

[blondguy]

Hi Smithsons

Welcome to Beyond Blue and thankyou for your imput..My name is Paul and I have to say you are very strong by posting your thoughts on here. Nice1

I am not religious or psychic but today on 3AW (talkback radio) I heard a guy call up and he mentioned that all of his numbers and daily routine have to be even numbers.....People have different habits or behavioral traits and you are like many people on that one...nothing weird there Smithsons...seriously....

Many people get anxiety or as you said 'panic attacks' You are not going mental or schizophrenic in any way,shape or form....(if you were..you wouldnt be able to have the strength to get on here in the first place)

I get these 'intrusive thoughts' like many people....like your thoughts about your girlfriend....they are just thoughts and very very common.

You mentioned that you think you have 'Anxiety'. You may have some natural apprehension in your life right now but just to be positive and to help you with these thoughts.....Do yourself a huge favour and see your GP...the sooner the better because he/she are well trained (especially nowadays) to let you know if you actually do have it

You are very proud of your relationship with you girlfriend and well done too by the way 🙂 You have 6 golden years with her....that in itself is great news....

I am sorry that you feel your 'thinking' is ruining your relationship.....I somehow doubt that because of your strength and ability to 'bounce' off us here at BB.

If I may ask....Do you have a good GP that you can say what you have told me tonight? I still use my GP to take the weight off my shoulders. If you dont have a good GP...find one....and utilize the strength you have had used on here and tell her/him.

You have everything to gain and absolutely nothing to lose Smithy...

Please get back to us at anytime ....There are a lot of understanding people on here...

Let us know how you are feeling

Kind Thoughts

Paul