Anxiety & ROCD

[Solarhue]

Hi there!

This is my first time posting about anything like this online, so I'm sorry for the messiness of all of this!

Basically- my current issue is that I'm having some major anxiety issues in my relationship. For quick background- I've been diagnosed with anxiety, bulimia(recovering now) and PTSD alongside having shown signs of OCD. This happened about 4 years back however and I've never followed it up past a bad therapist experience.

I've been with my partner for almost two years now and we've known each other for 3. We've been living together for almost a year and things are usually amazing.. We're best friends who do almost everything together. We study the same degree and have the same classes, and because of this we also tend to have the same friend group. We still enjoy doing things on our own however, but we primarily like to be in each others company even if we're not doing something together. 

Now, on most days- things are perfect. Even more then perfect. Some days my heart absolutely sings with how much I love this man. Sometimes, and this is probably my third or forth experience with it- I get these intrusive thoughts. I get these "I don't really love him", "you should break up with him", "first loves never end up together", "you don't love him enough" thoughts circling through my head and they make me absolutely weak with worry. I get worried that my mind is trying to tell me I don't love this man, and that there's someone better out there for me. This breaks my heart, because more often then not- I feel like I love him more then anything in the world. Then suddenly, sometimes after seeing a post online about how relationships are 'supposed' to be (all infatuation) or something of the like- these thoughts occur.

I've been surrounded by dysfunctional relationships all my life, and my mother has always been looking for the "spark" and the "knight in shining armour" who will just take care of her. Because of this, I've had multiple men come into my life and I've just watched her pick up and leave when she feels the spark is gone.

I'm terrified that I'm going to be like that- and that maybe what I'm feeling about my partner is a sign that I should pick up and go. I'm terrified that what if I'm falling out of love with him? I think it's my anxiety and a bit of ROCD (things do seem to match up?) because most days- when I'm at my least anxious- the big, warm happy comfortable love is there. I'm just so confused and don't know what to do.

[Zeal]

Hi Solar hue,

It’s great that you have a loving long-term partner who is your best friend and soul mate. This is what many people hope to find. The OCD and anxiety needs to be treated, both for you and for your partner’s sake. Going to your GP for a referral to a psychologist is probably the best course of action. The negative and unfounded thoughts about your relationship with your partner sound like symptoms of OCD to me. I have had OCD since the age of 13, though my symptoms are different to yours. I’m glad you’re recovering from bulimia. Does your partner know all about the conditions you have? It sounds like he would, as you two are very close 🙂

I really don’t think you will repeat your mother’s past relationship patterns, so long as you seek treatment from your GP and a psychologist, and stay positive. The negative thoughts and emotions you sometimes feel are definitely not a sign that you should end the relationship and leave – this is caused by the anxiety and OCD, and doesn’t reflect the reality of your relationship. When you are feeling really anxious, try distracting yourself for a while. This is clearly not a long-term solution, but is a good short-term strategy.

If the negative thoughts are bothering you, try listening to your favourite music. Upbeat music is great. Florence Welch (Florence and the Machine) is great to listen to. Her ethereal voice can have a calming effect. You could look up her concert at the Royal Albert Hall on you tube – it’s truly amazing! Remember to see your GP about a referral to a psychologist. Don’t let one bad therapist experience put you off. You may have to try a few psychologists before you find the right one. Make sure to at least try for two or three sessions with a new psychologist though.

Best wishes,

SM