Anxiety, Depression and my breaks from reality.

[Rarity]

Hello,

I am a male and am 16 years old. I am currently a student.

This is my story of what I believe to be my psychosis, my anxiety and my depression.

When I was 9 years old, I experienced something that I had thought nothing of at the time. It was a red dot, I saw this red dot everywhere I went, it was like an invisible man was following me with a laser pointer everywhere I went. As I grew older I began to feel unnerved and scared of this red dot, I often found myself scared, huddled up in my room if I saw it in the house, I preferred to be in wide open spaces with a lot of people where I knew that nothing could hurt me because other people would see it. This has now changed. The red dot as I have progressed through adolescence has morphed into a shadowy figure, i find it hard to complete simple tasks because I am scared of this figure. I can't walk my dog, or go outside for long periods of time because I always see it and get frightened. I see it out of the corner of my eye, and I hear it. At least I think I hear it, commonly when I look around, things are not there, I hear clapping to my right and I will look, and I will be facing a wall. These moments have made my dreams feel real, I begin to question if things really happened and am confused about my perceptions on reality.

I have been having these breaks from reality since I was 9. I am scared of my family and the people around me because I think they will hurt me. If I get in a verbal fight with someone, I will find myself gripping onto a blunt object, a bat or something or other at night and sleeping with it in my bed in case they come to hurt me or it comes to hurt me. This has driven me over the edge of sanity, more frequently, as I have grown older I have begun to question what is really real and what is not. I get blinding headaches occasionally but no one is ever there to help because I am always hiding in my room away from my family.

Recently, my family has left my home, my mother has flown away to look after my grandma, my dad works full-time and my sister goes to University throughout the day, leaving me completely on my own with the voices in my head. I am stuck in an internal conflict with myself and do not know what is wrong with me, I am scared of what is to come as this develops and I have no idea what to do. I am hoping someone has experienced these events before and is able to give me some advice on what they have done to combat this. No one I know, knows about my "condition".

- R

[geoff]

hi R, before I start you may want to look at this by googling it 'seeing red orbs with your eyes causing depression/anxiety'.
I will continue when I come back. Geoff.

[geoff]

hi R, can I ask you if you have any other obsessions because we haven't had a post like this before, I maybe wrong, but it intrigues me.
Perhaps you could also google 'seeing red orbs causing depression/anxiety', where it says that anxiety may cause this, and with anxiety, depression is right behind it, the two go hand in hand, but I would just like to know whether or not you have OCD.
I have OCD and remember a long time ago when I was a kid that I always thought someone was following me, when I looked around there was no one there, but even that didn't help me, I had to keep looking.
I also had to do habits just to make sure that something was in place or there wasn't something that had moved it, so I once again continually had to look.

I wonder whether you can relate to this, but you need to visit your doctor, but will need someone over the age of 18, either your sister, an aunt you love someone you can trust, I think this is a major priority, but please get back to us. Geoff.

[Doolhof]

HI R,

Welcome to the forum and the community of caring people you will meet here. You mentioned you haven't discussed any of this with your family, maybe it is time to do so. I realise they are not available for you at present.

If you feel comfortable enough to do so, you could send a copy of what you have written to your family members.

As Geoff has mentioned, having a chat to a DR would be beneficial, that way you would have an understanding of what you are dealing with. You may not have been to a Dr before by yourself, could you ask your sister to help you make an appointment? You could show the Dr a copy of what you have written.

Is there a counsellor at your school you could talk to?

You can always call the Beyond Blue 24 hour phone help on 1300 22 4636 and the person answering will listen and offer suggestions of help.

If you don't feel able to talk you could use the chat online service which operates from 3.00 p.m.

During my life, I have found the more I understand my medical issues, the easier it is to live with them, or find help to relieve them.

You have made a great start by connecting here and asking for help and advice. Wishing you well on your journey of better understanding what makes you tick and how to become the person you desire to be.

Cheers for now from Dools