Alone and sad

[Margo7]

Hi I am new to this but I feel I have no one to turn to so this is it.

i am 18 this month for for the last two years I've been dealing with on and off depression and anxiety.. I've felt this slow worsening of my issues lately. Things with friends at school have changed my closest friends are now distant and I feel like I have no one, I've lost so many friends and I don't know what's wrong with me for this to be happening, I can't talk to anyone. My dad's been distant since I was 10 he moved 500 Km away and we've not had a relationship since. My two sisters are amazing but are so closed minded, they don't understand anything different to them, I think this was because as children we were only ever exposed to our way of life which also meant me being not myself ever. I am not me, I am not sure what is but I know I am not happy and I haven't found myself. I don't like to express myself by wearing what I want or doing or saying things that are me because I am so afraid of being judged.

i have no reason to feel so low I have an amazing family and a few friends yet I feel so isolated so different and so alone. I feel selfish for my feelings because I know so many people have it worse! I am so thankful for the people I have but no me of them know anything, they don't know how much it hurts inside and how often all of my pieces crumble. I just feel I can't tell them, I don't know why I just can't. 

This forum is amazing and I hope it helps other people who also feel this way! 

[geoff]

dear Margo, hi and nice to have you post on this site.

Your comment only indicates that you feel lonely and probably isolated which is so sad because you're becoming 18 soon, and normally kids at this age are meant to having the time of their life, getting their car licence, drinking if they so wish to, so now legally it entitles them to a whole new world, but sadly it's a real struggle.

Can I ask you whether your friends have noticed that you are 'down in the dumps' and not realise or recognise that you could be depressed, because it is a whole different life when you are depressed.

A lot of kids or people just openly make statements saying 'that he/she is depressed' without knowing what it really means, so it's a loose statement that is not understood, however as you do feel alone and have no one to talk to, it's time that you go and consult a doctor.

There doesn't have to be any particular reason why someone can get depression, or on the other side there could a reason, but never the less you will need to talk to a professional, and your doctor can organise a mental health plan for you, which will entitle you to 10 free visits per year to see a psychologist.

There are a couple of things I would suggest to you, click on 'Resources' at the top and order 'All the Printed Material' from BB, it's all free but the information it contains is enormous and I believe that it would certainly give you more of an insite into this illness.

Secondly you could also ring the Beyond Blue phone number at the top who will give you some information to help you.

It's an important start for you to get you back on track, and hope that you can reply back to us. Geoff.

[Margo7]

Thank you so much for your reply Geoff!!

Ive been to the doctor he has done me a mental health plan and I've also been to a psychologist but I found it doesn't help if anything it makes me feel worse , I feel even more different and I have trust issues so opening up to a stranger really is hard.

 my friends haven't noticed, I guess at school I've just been sticking to myself and teenage girls well they don't really care, they think I am just mad at them so they don't include me or anything they just do their own thing..

 thank you

[Narniakid]

Hey Margo7!

Particularly in institutions like school, friendships are made based on one common thing; you've all been forced to spend eight hours a day, five days a week together. If you take that out, or you finish school, you'll find new friendships are based on the same thing in university and work etc. It is not uncommon for you to feel like this, and it doesn't make you a bad person, nor your friends bad people, it just happens; people drift apart, it's a fact of life. All you can do is enjoy what you have in the moment, and acknowledge instead of mourn. 

If you find yourself having a hard time making new friends, join a sporting club or a hobby. I do numerous volunteering activities, and I've met some wonderful people, as well as keeping a couple of my older true friends around.

As for being yourself, go for it! What are you so afraid of? That someone doesn't like some aspect about you? Who cares! That's their problem! Someone once told me that letting the fear of others' approval stop you from being yourself is like letting a stranger live inside your head rent-free. It's not affecting them, so if they do have a problem, you don't need them in your life, okay? 

Have you considered seeking professional help? This is extremely important, especially if you don't have a supportive network of friends and family around you. Pop down to your local GP and they'll be able to refer you to a psychologist. 

Also have a good read of all the reasources here on BB regarding anxiety and depression - the more you know, the better you'll be able to understand what triggers it in you. 

And finally, remember that negative thoughts are just reactions to fear, and anxiety thrives on avoidance - you have the power to change your life! Every day is a new opportunity! Don't loose hope because you can do this! 

Crystal