22yom, need some life advice please

[Max9919]

Well as the title says, I'd appreciate some life advice if that is ok. I'm 22 and don't get along with my family at all, our personalities are just at odds really and they said they want me gone soon. I don't have any mates or a girlfriend and I find it hard making relationships with people for some reason, I've had this problem since I was a kid. I work as much as I can and go to the gym/go running to stay out of the house for as long as possible but I'm pretty miserable at the moment. I try making friends but everyone is already busy with their own life. I haven't had a girlfriend for years and I find it hard trying to talk to girls, I never know what to say to them. I've searched some stuff up online but there are so many opinions when it comes to dating it does my head in haha, like no one takes what you say at face value. 

 I don't know if I'm a loser or if I'm ugly or if I'm just a boring person. I'm in great shape because I exercise a lot and I have very good hygiene, but I think my personality might be bland. All this stuff has been stressing me out heaps lately. I want to find a decent job and move out and find a decent girl to live with. I don't have any guidance because I have no one to talk to or get life advice from and everyone judges me without giving me a fair shake. 

 Maybe some women could give me advice on how to actually talk to girls? I've never played any mixed sports either, just footy and stuff. Really confused at the moment and it's depressing me because I feel useless/worthless as a person. Worthless because no one obviously values me or my company.

[Lori]

Hi Max9919,

Unfortunately a lot of families have this problem it's not only yours ( i have it) but i guess in a way as much as people fight with their families at the end of the day your family and I'm sure they love you and they just want whats best for you.

It seems like you are doing all the right things in life you are looking after yourself which is great! Yeah you might not have got a girlfriend and many friends at the moment but you will!! Always remember to be yourself don't try to be someone your not, one day you will cross paths with the love of your life that day just hasn't come yet, but it will!!!

Keep working or look for another job have a goal to save your money and then move out. It might be a good idea to join a club or community group (doesn't have to be a sport) something that takes your interest and you will be able to make like minded friends. Everything you want is possible and will happen you just need to be determined, have patience and not give up on achieving them goals because you will get there and you will be HAPPY 🙂

You are not worthless don't ever doubt yourself, be kind and understanding to yourself and be you 🙂 Your life is valuable and i am sure a lot of people appreciate you and are glad they have you in their life. 

Stay strong and keep on pushing forward, YOU can do this!!

- Lori 🙂

[pipsy]

Hi Max.  No matter where or how you meet a girl remember one thing.  Girls like listeners.  You sound a very interesting person.  If you meet a girl you like, talk to her, tell her a bit about yourself.  Let her tell you about her too.  Have you thought about sharing a flat with someone.  There are heaps of people looking for flat mates.  This could also open doors for your social life.  Is there a notice board at the gym you attend?  If there is, have a look, see if anybody is looking for a flat mate, if not, put a notice yourself.  Look online.  One other thing to remember about girls, some of them are just as shy and uncertain about talking to guys, it's not just a 'guy thing', there.  Some girls are interested in footy too.  I think your first step is finding somewhere to live where you would be with people your own age.  Don't be afraid to look for 'mixed' flatting as well.  You never know, what doors will open for you once you find somewhere to live.        

[Max9919]

Hi Lori, thanks for your reply. I really appreciate the kind words and I'm doing my best to keep my head up. I know it's not easy but your support really helps.

 And thanks for your advice pipsy, I think I need to put myself out there more and really try to talk to people more. I think if I put more effort in, I'll find the people I want to find. 

 It's really not easy when there are no immediate people to talk to but being able to talk to you guys really makes a difference. 

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi Max9919,

I definately agree with what's been said and looks like Lori and Pipsy have given you some great advice.

As for dating, this might be a bit bias because I am a girl haha but stay away from online articles.  They make dating and relationships so much more complicated.  It's generally all clickbait and as someone whose read Cosmo and Cleo for dating and relationship advice I can laugh now and say how terrible at advice I think they are.

I think the best way to kind of get in a relationship and talk to girls is just change your intentions - instead of wanting to be in a relationship, why not just 'meet people'?  Also if you're working constantly unless your engaging with colleagues or people at the gym there's not a lot of opportunities there to be social, so maybe that's something you could look at? Whether it's chatting with some people or finding social events with colleagues and meeting people through people.

This way, the more you meet people, the better you'll feel, and you'll never know where it might go.

Also, whatever happens - your relationships (or lack of) do not define you and your self-worth.  You aren't a loser, you're not ugly and your not boring.  If you're looking for a relationship to solve that - you won't find it because that's just something we have to believe ourselves (with all the self-talk and what not).

Hope this helps a little.