20C

[mandy6]

Hello group of friendly or problem facing people

So, i have been here a few times and although I have changed since my first post I feel this is largely due to the fact that I stopped caring about anything and I started to not give about what people thought. I am in high  school and am constantly feeling depressed. I have also begun to stop trusting anyone and am always extremely cynical. furthermore I realized that I don't care if I have friends because whether some one is my friend or not they still seem to treat me the same way.

the real reason i have come here is to ask for some advice about a problem. 

THE PROBLEM: every time i meet someone who has a quality which i dislike or does something i think is either rude or stupid or mean or annoying or just undesirable I consciously avoid doing that thing. for example when someone you know starts talking to you about something really simple as if they are talking about a complex issue and they assume you have no knowledge about it even though it's just something really obvious and then they act like their the best because they told you about this idea. or when people always agree with you even when you start the conversation with a debatable idea and people just don't want to argue so they just agree. or when people don't accept a compliment or fish for compliments. there are more. now i have become a void of nothing because I realised that i actually hate every quality about every person and I can't possibly do something which I hate in other people, but instead i have become this boring nothingness and I hate this more than anything else in the world. 

the other thing which makes me angry and feel isolated and then depressed is that no one seems to share the same opinions as me on anything, or when I do something differently to everyone else (which happens often) rather than people supporting me they are just condescending and gossipy. what's worse i have a really bad anger problem and am always so angry at things which other people don't seem to give a damn about.

what i'm really trying to ask is how do you become an interesting person who who doesn't hate themselves and how do you make friends who aren't phony and furthermore how do you keep them?

thanks

[AGrace]

Hi mandy,

Is it really normal? Yes.

Is it normal to have created this false identity, whereby you feel like you've told so many lies that now you need to lie on top of the lies? No.

May I ask you to google Borderline Personality Disorder? I am no expert, and obviously can't give you any form of diagnosis, but I'd be interested to hear if you feel you can relate to some of the symptoms/criteria.

You mentioned you can't speak to your parents about this. What would their response be if you told them you were really struggling? If your dad is a Dr, then you would think he would understand. You don't have to like them in order to seek their help.

Have you spoken with your student counsellor? At least you could do this while at school. Do you have any siblings? Are there any places your mum would let you go? Can you not just say you are going to a friends place and then go to the Dr instead? In case you would like the information, there is a list of GPs available on BB's website. They all specialise in mental health.

I understand that doing year 12 can be very demanding. Do you allow yourself time to do anything other than study? Not having any downtime can exacerbate your stress levels. 

I get that you don't like knowing what's wrong with you, but who diagnosed you with depression? Maybe this is not what you have, Which is why it's important that you see a Dr or counsellor.

AGrace 

[SubduedBlues]

Mandy

Sorry,  I've been offline for a couple of days. I've tried to catch up by reading through your dialogue with the others here. 

Since you're in yr12 now, it's not long before uni/tafe/tech and a whole new world opens up. New people from different schools and with many new and exciting viewpoints. Personally I joined the Marines. 

A couple of things I learned after high school,  that I wish I knew in high school. 

1. Be wary of "confirmational bias". 

This is where first we preconceive an idea or notion about someone or something (like I know that person cheats); then we actively look for evidence that confirms and spports our preconceptions. Just so we can say to ourselves: "I was right."

2. We "always" have a choice. 

There is never an instance where you are left with no choice. People often do stupid things or break rules or make bad decisions solely because they think they have no other choice. Fact is, there is always another choice. True, the other choice may be undesirable,  expensive or not deliver your preferred outcome,  but the choice is still there. So when someone tells me that they had to do it because they haf no other choice,  I understand what they mean is they chose to do it because to do otherwise was undesirable for them. 

Lastly,  there is good and bad in everyone. Did I preconceive an idea that this person is goid or bad? And am I choosing to see the real truth, or my preferred truth because the real truth is undesirable to me and unsupportive of my preconceived notion about this person? 

D'

[mandy6]

beegee

i'm 17, 

I appreciate your help, the only problem with your suggestion is that you assume my father is a reasonable and understanding person which is untrue, at least not for situations relating to the family. however i understand that I do need to step into other people's shoes more often in order to understand them and their situation. 

agrace,

i sorry to have been misleading it was not my intention and i'm sorry. I have not been diagnosed as depressed by a professional, and i'm so sorry for not making this clear from the start.

what i'm about is going to make me sound like a complete idiot but i can't help it. the thing is if I told my parents they would begin worrying and caring about me, and then they would either tell me to suck it up because what is a mental disorder really? Anyone can put a name to something then say it exists or start calling it a problem which makes you abnormal. or maybe big pharma are trying to make more money so are slowly picking out symptoms which may or may not need to be treated and start calling them different things?? who even decides what the normal everything is compared to is? are there really any strong grounds supporting mental illnesses? either that response or they will be all caring and be worried and try to spend more time with me and stop leaving me alone in my room so often, and start whispering about me to other people in the room while i'm still standing there thinking that me telling them this information suddenly makes me a deaf idiot.

also if i seek their help they will think I care about their opinion. they will also be like ohh "mandy needs my help she must be in really big trouble" and then make a really big deal out of it (because i hardly ever talk to them especially about my problems so they will blow the situation way out of proportion.

OK maybe that was a bit OTT.

I looked up borderline personality disorder and it basically explains me, but you always hear about people who "have nothing wrong with them" (whatever that means) who read the wiki page on mental illnesses and when they finish reading they realize they have at least 10 different disorders.

  finally about the Councillor i haven't been to see her but have considered it. should I go to see her??