What's wrong with me?

[Tilly1]

Hey there,

I've posted on here before a while ago but I'm not even sure what I'mfeeling. I've felt this feeling on and off since I was a kid, its like constant guilt and caving in my chest. I just feel terrible about the past but not just one thing, once I stop feeling bad about one thing something else starts plaguing my mind and its exhausting...what is this??? I used to drink to keep it at bay but I find nowadays that only makes things worse the next day.

I'm really struggling because I've managed to keep this at bay for a while and the thought of going through this day after day kills,me.

I'm 22/years old and I feel like during the past ten months of chemo I've been having has put my focus into perspective but now these intrusive thoughts are just trying to crush me, but I don't know what it is I'm experiencing is it anxiety? Depression? How do I get a diagnoses? It feels like I go to a psychologist and nothing eventuates, I don't get answers.

If anyone could help me that would be great

[BballJ]

Hi Tilly1,

I am not a doctor or medical professional at all so please take what I say with a tiny grain of salt, I can only relate to what you are saying as I have felt those feelings before and especially when you feel like when one thing has passed, your mind sets you on another track of something else to worry about along with the feeling of your heart beating really fast and in a panic, I was diagnosed with anxiety however of course it could be other things as well so that is why I highly suggest speaking to a GP is the best thing to do, it does sound like from your post you have spoken to a doctor about this before and you are seeing a psychologist for it but have you felt it's all gone no where? I was told by my doctor that finding a good psychologist is like finding a good friend and you don't always click with the first one you meet so it is a good idea to try a couple out to find one you really connect with.

Do you do anything when these intrusive thoughts come about? any coping mechanisms or do you just try to pretend they are not happening? I use music to help calm me down or be around family or friends as well, try to distract myself as much as possible.

Please remember you can call the Beyond Blue helpline on 1300 22 4636 24/7 to discuss anything you are going through as well.

Please, post back as much as you like.

My best for you,

Jay

[Guest_9809]

Hi Tilly1, and welcome back to the Forums. I think you were last here in around April. I tried to find other threads of yours from back then, and have only found the one. In order to help other responders, I have provided the details of your previous thread. I note also that there are a couple of posts on this thread which you havent yet responded to. Perhaps you dont know how to find your previous threads? BB usually advise members to use the original thread when they return as it means other members can get a bit of background to help them to advise and support you. Can you do me a favour and copy and paste the address below to your browser and continue to use this original thread of yours? It would be very much appreciated.

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/young-people/pushing-everyone-away

It is likely that you are experiencing either anxiety, depression or even both especially given what you appear to be going through with your health at the moment.

You are already seeing a psychologist, but if you are not finding these sessions helpful, it may be worthwhile asking your GP for a referral to see a psychiatrist. They are the top professional when it comes to diagnosing any mental disorder, as well as prescribing any medications to treat them.

I hope this is of some help to you, and I hope to hear back from you.

Taurus

[Jamie C.]

Hi Tilly,

I can't really go as far as to make a diagnosis, because that would require for me to actually be a doctor (and i'm actually just a confused 15 yr old), but I think the feeling of guilt really isn't uncommon, if you've been hurt in the past I think it's quite a normal thing to experience.

Maybe you, (or your subconscious) thinks that something similar may come up in the future and you're scared to face it, and this is why you're experiencing this guilt.

As I said before, I can't speak for you, but i'd suggest you seek help from a professional or maybe come in touch with someone who is experiencing/has experienced things similar to you. I suffer from an eating disorder, and shame/guilt isn't unusual in my case, if you ever want to talk then I'll always be here, as well as the rest of the community with Beyond Blue 🙂

- Jamie xox

[demonblaster]

Hi Tilly (( Hugs )) chemo, poor thing, so sorry you're going through that rot

I read a post that made me think on fb once saying along the lines of if something keeps plagueing us it's because we need to come to some resolve. Made sense I thought.
Another one wether right or not gave me comfort saying we're not given anything that we can't handle.

I'm not a mental health pro but it sounds like depression's in the mix & it's damned good at hurting us and pulling us down. But don't take my word for it. Psychiatrists and some psychologists (clinical) as far as I know are the ones that diagnose for mental health.
I'd imagine best to see Dr first and they can refer you

I'm wondering if you're not feeling that you're getting enough from the psych you see, do you think you may need to try another one.

Very difficult to let go of pain in the past & I'm not there yet so really can't be of much help, I'm Bipolar and was later in life diagnosed, live with guilt too how I was with poor Mum mostly but darling Dad copped my crap too.
I guess cause we can't go back and change it, what we can do is learn from it, by taking something positive outta it and using it to keep going.

Don't think I'm being much help here but know I do care and hope for you better health and peace.

Good luck

[Tilly1]

Hey thanks guys,

These are some really nice words. I woke up late today to makw the day shorter knowing how I would feel for the rest of it.

You wouldn't be able to guess it, I'm not a mopey person.

I feel OK now that I've just woke up,_I psyciatrist would be great if it meant pin pointing what this is.Thanks again

[demonblaster]

You're welcome Tilly, good at least you woke up feeling great aye. Theoretically if we've had enough sleep I think it's mornings that we have the most energy after we've woken.

Yes agree it's a lot easier to cope and work on when you know exactly what's going on and can research and start the journey back up.

Keep us posted Tills, thanks for reply 🙂