What is wrong with me

DJL-3 · ‎18-01-2023

Hi, I just feel since I hit 51 everything has gone wrong, menopause hit, lost a group of really good friends, work gets me down, I'm on my own so don't tend to do much on my days off, haven't had a break from work for 2 years, struggle financially as I'm only casual, it's just all getting on top of me as well as try ing to be there for my 80 year old dad, it's come to th ee point where I feel like nothing I do is right or good enough 😔

Mark Z. · ‎20-01-2023

Hi DJL-3,

Welcome to the forum.

It must be very hard for you, but I can tell you are making a lot of efforts, and you have good self-awareness. We all have our ups and downs, hope 2023 will be a smoother year for you.

Close friends a really important, especially when you have stress or anxiety. When you say you lost a group of really good friends, do you want to share what happened? Is there still someone you can feel free to talk to?

Mark

Beaser · ‎20-01-2023

Hi DJL-3.

I just want to say that from what i read it seems like you are actually doing a great job. Working so hard and being there for your Father, what a commendable thing your doing. I read that you say you have lost a group of friends i can understand thats hard, i was just wondering why you feel this has happened. Brett.

DJL-3 · ‎21-01-2023

The group of friends I lost I'd known some for years as I worked with them. We lost one of them 3 years ago, so as a group We were supporting his wife & kids by doing things with them. One of them had split up with his wife also so we started doing things together & was forming a bond, but he didn't want the group to know we were seeing each other which made it difficult & then I suspected he was seeing somebody else in the group who is married with children, complicated I know. Anyway we argued & I left the group saying they'd known him longer & I didn't want to be the reason they didn't catch up. So then it just caused a big division in the group & i was heartbroken. I needed to distance myself from it all, plus they had all been catching up without me so I assumed they had taken his side & couldn't even be honest with me.

I finally got over I, learnt to live without them & was in a good head space, then out of the blue 3 months ago he messages me, wanting to catch up & talk. It's just been a roller coaster ride not knowing what he wants. I know it not commitment & it's all about him. I suppose I just want some body to love me, but i also know I deserve better. It's just doing my head in & I'm just so sad & angry, or I'm crying over the smallest things. Sorry bit of a story but it feels good to tell somebody I don't really know because they just don't understand 😔

DJL-3 · ‎21-01-2023

The loss of all my friends was complicated. It involved losing one to cancer 3 years ago, me seeing another one which ended 2 years ago & the rest just lied to me & took his side, so I was heartbroken & had to live with it, which I finally did, then 3 months ago I hear from the guy I was seeing, it's just brought back feelings & I'm not sure where I stand, it's always been about him & I know in my heart I deserve better.

I just don't want to feel sad all the time or get angry all the time, it's not me but of late that's how I feel. Just can't get out of this dismal feeling & just wonder why I'm such a disappointment to everybody & why im so unloveable 🤷‍♀️

Beaser · ‎22-01-2023

Hey DJL.3

Im very sorry to hear you lost a friend to cancer that must have been heartbreaking.

I think its good that you can see the reason this guy from the past has contacted you. As you say in your heart you deserve better and im sure you do deserve better.

I know that when things get bad for us we do question why about the things you mention being loveable etc . Im sure you are not the person you describe at the moment . Especially from what you say in your early post.

Please dont forget all the great things youve done in your life and the happines you bring to people, even strangers by simple things like smiling and acts of kindness. Hope to hear more Brett.

DJL-3 · ‎22-01-2023

Thanks

It's just my work is suffering because of it too.

I'm getting angry with my work colleagues & my customers & that's not normally me.

I'm also getting angry with my dad, just need a break I think. Having a holiday in March for 2 weeks, so hopefully that will bring me some happiness, which I know it will as I'm going to stay with my beautiful cousin & we always have the best time & get on really well & I don't have to think about work & its just the break I need away from my dad as well 😊

smallwolf · ‎24-01-2023

Hey there. I have come to your story a little late... It seems to me that you have been giving to everyone for so long and never had any time for just for yourself. And it gets more complicated with financial issues as well. And there comes a point in time when the bucket overflows (with stress) .... 😞

Hopefully you will get to recharge a little with the upcoming break.

I just wonder what sort of things might help you find enjoyment?

Listening...

DJL-3 · ‎25-01-2023

Thankyou, yes I can't wait for my break & I'm not sure what else will bring me some enjoyment. I do a lot of walking/jogging which clears my head but apart from that & my work that's all I do.

It's just hard finding somebody that can dovrhings with you when you have days off they are working & I'm a bit of a loner & don't like doing things by myself.

Thanks for listening though

smallwolf · ‎25-01-2023

one of things my psychologist gave me was a list of 300 fun activities to do. If you are interested I can paste a link here - it is on a mental health site in WA.

even if you are a "bit of a loner" are there any walking group in your area you might be able to join? Is that something you are interested in?

the last thing about enjoyment is whether you could try something like mindful eating? Or giving yourself a reward after completing a task? With mindful eating, you can do that with any food or lollies etc. It's a way of allowing yourself to be in the moment.

And I an not going anywhere 🙂