Dear Keegyson
Hello and welcome. I hope we can offer you the support you need. Do you feel easier when you post in here?
You say others are telling you she is using you and that you do not mind because you care about her. That is a worry. When two people care for each other they want the best for the other. It seems you are giving of yourself to meet her needs but no comment about her meeting your needs.
It's difficult for me to work out what is happening as I am not in your space. There are red flags for me in this relationship, but then I do not know the whole situation. It bothers me that she says she loves someone else but stays with you. Is she using you to get the attention of the other person? Or is it a way of keeping you at arms length? Does she simply want friendship from you? These are questions you need to think about honestly.
Managing your anxiety is a priority. I imagine it affects everything you do or say including your job. I suspect you see everyone saying she is manipulative and this may be true. The circumstances of her past may tell her not to trust anyone and to get the best she can. It is understandable. Unfortunately it may lead to her not wanting your company if she feels you are getting too close. We are complicated beings.
I do not know how often you see so I suggest you spend time with your friends. Being on your own makes you more dependent on her company which sounds as though it is not leading anywhere that is safe for you. You do need to be aware of your needs and not end up in a situation where you can be severely hurt.
You sound like a compassionate person and this has been triggered by her needs. Nothing wrong with that. I believe the world would be a better place if we all treated each other with love and compassion. Being in jail and using illegal drugs is a serious handicap for her and I imagine she finds it amazing that you treat her so well. Please remember that you cannot solve her problems and difficulties. We are all responsible for our own well being.
I hope you feel better by posting here. We are certainly here to offer comfort and support.
Mary
