Dear Squeeks,
Welcome to beyond Blue and well done for reaching out.
Although I probably shouldn't admit it, I feel your frustration. I too was married to a man who seemed quite 'boring' to me. I myself have always been a little bit of a thrill seeker; the naughty boys with their fast cars and their motorbikes. The scary rides at the show. The excessive alcohol use and drugs too ........ I was often 'pushing the envelope' that little bit more than the rest of my peers. Specially when I was young and still had the ability to recover quickly. But then I got clean and sober and met this man whom I felt safe and comfortable with ........ until it became boring.
I probably shouldn't say that, I feel guilty every time I do. I have long suspected that my ex husband in fact has Asperger's Syndrome, and therefore had some sensory and communication issues that, until I knew what Aspergers was, I thought made him 'boring' and 'too safe' for me. Unfortunately after 12 years of marriage, we just couldn't seem to resolve our communication issues and so we split. I will never say he's a bad guy in any way. He's not. In fact in many ways, he was wonderful to me. But yeah, he certainly did NOT have that same level of thrill seeking or desire for/ability of social engagement that I do.
Perhaps, it might help to try and find a couple of activities you can both enjoy together, and then also find a couple of things that you can do on your own, yeah? Maybe you could find out if there is a local "Women's shed", yeah? I was actually talking to a newly made friend today about a local women's shed, where there is a space for women to connect and engage in fun activities. Do you think that might help?
I now have a partner who has fast cars and motorbikes, and enough adrenaline to keep it interesting! And I too now have a motorbike of my own, thanks to the encouragement of my man! And I must say, I am LOVING the riding. Most awesome thing ever!
I don't really know what other words of encouragement or advice to
offer, except that, like I said at the start, I feel your frustration.
I do hope that I have helped at least a little bit. Sometimes knowing you are not alone, can be such a relief.
Anyway, take care. I'll be thinking of you. xo
