Undiagnosed and hurting

[GRADYCAKES]

I have been isolating and watching things online after I have an episode, I hate that I can't control my emotions. I feel like a dog that's got a switch immediately to anger from being happy. I can't focus on a damn thing, I obsess over things until it quickly becomes numb to me even if I've enjoyed it.

I don't even know where to begin but I know something isn't right and I just want to know what, for my own benefit or vindication that I'm not a bad person.

I'm just a guy who wants to be a good dad and an even better husband.

why does everything have to be so hard.

[smallwolf]

Hi and welcome to beyond blue forums.

From your post I can see you are a dad and husband. So am I. My journey here was slow and gradual. The straw that broke the camels back! The I looked for help and I now see a psychologist and psychiatrist.

Why am I telling you this.

Perhaps because there are things in your life that are triggering for you? Are there things happening that are stressful? Your reactions are most likely normal based on your experiences. I don't think you are a bad person as you have suggested. Struggling might be a better word?

I would be interested in hearing more about you and what has been going on for you.

As for finding out what is going on for you... That is best left for the professionals. Someone who can help you deal with whatever is going on. And it's ok to get help. Just as you came here which also takes courage.

Ultimately whatever you decide is up to you, and while you are here we will support you also.

[Here2Talk]

Hi Gradycakes,

Sorry to hear things are tough. Small wolf is right, sounds like you are struggling. Also sounds like you want the best for your family.

But there are some anxiety and mood issues going on for you. To help your family you need to help yourself.. What kinds of things have you been watching online, and could you tell us a bit about the things you obsess about?

[geoff]

Hello GRADYCAKES, welcome to the site.

I join the others and feel sorry for what has been happening, sometimes we aren't sure why this has to happen as there never seems to be a justified reason, but with a hidden illness we ask questions that can't be answered or if they are, it's to try and benefit us that may be inappropriate or to oversee the actual problem we are facing.

I see that you have mentioned the word 'obsess' in your comment and if you are able to expand on this would certainly help us to know what you're struggling with.

There are online test you can look at, but it's not the same as a doctor's diagnosis, but please look at these 'online tests for obsess', it may give you an indication on where to begin before you see your doctor.

Geoff.