Supporting a partner with a startup business

[LouiseTHOR]

Hi there,

I am with the most amazing man who i have been with for nearly a year. Since day one he has been an entrepreneur and have learnt how to support his needs with being in the start up phase. To get there he has been through many challenges and stresses which have desensitized a lot of day to day emotion. I absolutely adore and admire him.

Recently things have not been going well for him. He is unhappy with where the business is, the lack of money and the sacrifice he has put in and is chasing the constant light at the end of the tunnel. Yesterday said that its not working and wants to end our relationship as i am annoying him with minor things that i know not to take personally. ( Such as not being bale to roll me over during sleep) I have said I will give space and have said that he is unable to think straight and is trying to rationalize his emotion on to me and our relationship ( Which is actually such a great relationship we have ). I see it that he is unable to provide for me and support me as a man thinks they should, even though I constantly reassure and tell him I understand. Let alone all the business factors that are constantly draining him.

We now have not spoken in a few days and I am just genuinely worried about him. He doesn't have family or friends here and need him to realize that I am there for him. I dont see ending the relationship as a solution nor what i want.

What would you do to help? He also has no time or money to go see a GP to discuss mental health plans and we have spoken about it in the past, also we are in a period of no contact.

Need more advice on support for start up businesses as this is a growing market for young adults and a really mentally challenging space.

Thanks for the help

[Croix]

Dear LouiseTHOR~

I regret the length of time it has taken for you to get a response. It is nothing to do with you, or with your subject, it is simply a system that does not always work as we would like.

Startup businesses often do not work as we would like either, in fact according to an article in Wikipedia (Yes I know, not the very best of sources) called "Startup Company" it quotes a figure from Fortune Magazine that only around 10% succeed.

It is a very stressful occupation, full of uncertainty, and the tendency to blame oneself for not being innovative enough, clever enough, or not working hard enough becomes greater if things do not progress as planned.

In truth it can be that the idea is actually not commercially viable or just bad luck.

This lack of progress, apart from the financial side, can lead into a spiral of harder work, less success and more stress, with increasing desperation. Unless one has a plan with a cut-off point one can keep going beyond all reason.

I suspect your man may have reached this point and is grasping at straws, which if combined with a mental illness such as depression can make for isolation and loss of hope.

It sounds at the point where even if the business did eventually pick up the toll might simply make it not worth it.

So if it were possible the single most important thing to do would be to persuade him to see a GP in an extended consultation and have both a physical and psychological examination. Then take it from there.

I don't know how you can accomplish this if you are separated, perhaps there is someone else he respects or takes note of that might persuade him.

Any suggestions?

Croix

[white knight]

Hi Louise

I suggest there is a number of flaws in this grand plan he has that you support.

The 10% success rate Croix mentioned is about right,or less. I’ve tried at least 6 times in my start up businesses all failed to reach a point of basic financial success described as enough survivable income.

I realised that to find out what would make it work is to get a full time job then do the business as an after hours hobby,not allow my partner/loved one etc to carry me on hope. It isn’t fair, likely won’t succeed and will strain the relationship.

The best I came up with as a remedy is to give him time say 6-12 months (based on your love level for him) to see if he succeeds... with no financial support (based on him desiring separation)

The above might sound harsh but it is his dream not yours.

We all would love to be high rolling business people, until the income produced exceeds around $100,000 and compounds yearly with growth, technology and all the other things that require an ONGOING success like marketing and mentor ship, it will only be a dream.

Having dreams is good but dreams,grand plans without business plans etc is just dreams. I hope he makes it, I also hope you don’t get hurt more than you are already.

Protect your own future first as charity begins at home and income to live starts with working in employment as a first priority.

TonyWK