Suddenly feel insufferably lonely

[On The Road]

this is how I feel right now, not sure if this is the best place to post this...

these kinds of intrusive thoughts are scary, they are not the facts but they are linked to reality. Because I'm really lonely.

[On The Road]

Hey Paul,

How are things going?  thanks for the reply😊 

You've been here for a long I reckon you've been enjoying the forum, I agreed that the more support we do the more support we receive, hope this could apply to daily life, I actually have been feeling a bit helpless recently

This week's been ok 🙂

Warmly

OTR 

[On The Road]

Time flies! another weekend's coming

[Ggrand]

Hi OnThe Road….

I agree time does fly….

Are you doing anything this weekend?….

Hugs,

Grandy

[ecomama]

HI OTR, sorry I didn't see your reply to me and others sooner. Hugs! 

Yes that amazing Buddha is in India. Heavens I just saw colourful Buddha statues for sale for over $600! 
Wow mine's gonna be "worth" a fortune! hahaha. 

Yes I have grown any Asian veg I could get seeds for. Not so much atm due to FT work, so many children & all the wildlife that "eat out" at my garden lol. 
But I do have Kaffir Lime and Tahitian Lime trees, amongst many others - an ode to cultural and familial heritage. Plus grow Turmeric and Ginger, amongst other things. 
Did you say RICE? lol! We have probably 7 different types of rice in house atm. Sushi rice is our fave atm, my fave is this made into Nigiri atm. We go through phases. 
We can't get Golden Lion here but when I travel to China Town I buy LOTS lol. 
My Nana used to travel down to China Town on a train with an esky to do her Asian food shopping only for ME! 
I threw tantrums when I arrived in Oz, being forced to eat Western food. Bless my Nana's soul, she watched every program she could on how to cook Asian food for me lol. 

If I was whingeing, she'd boil some rice, open a can of bamboo shoots and tip it on for me to eat lol. 

Oh, almost forgot, I also grew Water Chestnuts in our pond. Happy happy. 

Glad to see you had a pleasant week, 

Love EM

[mmMekitty]

Hi OTR,

😸finally returning to you, here. I am having trouble keeping up with conversations with the people I want to talk to here. 

I just reread the post you wrote to me 2 weeks ago. (Time does get away quickly).

A couple things I want to add:

I write because that is my best way, the one way I feel most 'mine', like writing my thoughts & feelings is what I do. While the thoughts in my head are verbal & seem to have a voice, it's not my speaking voice. It's more like a writing voice.

Sometimes the writing gets very difficult to do, because it brings up & out emotions which are intense & have some physical expression, like the tears, shaking, & rocking, along with tension in my body, tightness in my muscles & cramping in my belly, & my breathing becomes difficult & I know I'd like a more explosive way to get all the emotions out, but they seem to have to go through this narrow channel & come out when I write.

I've wished I could do something more physical, & probably scare everyone around me while doing, to express how I feel. If I did one day, I think I'd scare myself too. Being loud, demonstrating with actions how I feel, these things also frighten me, even while I wish I could.

I like the soothing myself, too, with music.

I also listen to Shakuhachi, Riley Lee in particular. I sort of understand that the playing of the Shakuhachi is a Zen meditation, & a 'breathing exercise' - all about the breath. For me, it's so calming & stills me, the beauty of the sounds, hearing how the sounds are so carefully produced & controlled - I can focus on that. I feel it melts into my body, while it surrounds me. I know of nothing else like it.

I wanted to talk about 'tolerance'. I prefer 'acceptance' these days. Having patience with myself, when I have feelings I don't like so much, gives me time to accept them, a little more each time, I hope.

Tolerating something, implies 'I put up with', with resentment, reluctance, with an attitude I will never accept, just put up with, those feelings, those thoughts I have. & I would very much prefer people around me 'accept' me, rather than 'tolerate' me, so it must be for myself to accept myself, warts & all.

Warmly❤️,

mmMekitty

[mmMekitty]

Hello OTR. 😺How are you?

This weekend is half over - what's on for tomorrow?

I am hoping the weather hasn't been horrible out your way. Looks like I'm supposed to get rained on tomorrow, but not so much as other places.

I did wantto do do some washing. Delaying that would be okay.

I hope you are keeping well.

Hugzies, if you like,

mmMekitty

[On The Road]

Hi Mekitty, I'm good. Feeling ok generally just a bit tired and withdrawn recently. How are you? 

The rain has been back again after a short few days of warm weather. But I enjoy walking on the leafy path with drizzle. I did loads of laundry in the last couple of days, it's the time when clothing and bedding to be changed with the season changing.  😺

See you in BB cafe 😊

[On The Road]

Triggers happened, not feeling well at the moment. Still keep myself composed well, but hard to have a good sleep...

[mmMekitty]

Hi OTR. The nights can be the worst for when our minds & emotions to become too intense. During the day there are so many things to be distracted by, between doing the things we need to do to look after ourselves. I find it is important to put in some extra effert into doing the helpful & healthy things.

At night, for a few reasons , I use audiobooks as something to focus on, instead of listening too closely to my tinnitus, or thoughts or feelings both physical & emotional & to stop going over what I'm doing tomorrow, or what I did or didn't do today, what I still need to solve, etc as well. I find audiobooks better because, when I want to follow the story, I must pay attention to what the reader is saying.

It's not perfect, so sometimes I do lose concentration & find I have to pull myself back into listening to the book. If I miss too much, I have to go back to an earlier part, estimating how much time I lost, & hear it again.

Evenentually, I will more naturally drift off into sleep. In the morning I have to go back however many hours I've missed.

I think, having the book reading on while I sleep is keeping me from remembering dreams. If you don't like your dreams, you might like to try & see if you don't remember them, just because as soon as you wake up & immediately hear the book reading, you haven't had a chance to remember what you drempt.

I don't mind my dreams, so I'd like it better if I had a book reader again, which had a timer on it.

I've washed a couple of blankets to put away, now, too. I have a dryer because my back hurt to hang out the washing, so the weather is not a problem form me. The electricity bill - that is another problem.

Seems I've got to manage my budgeting at least a little, lately. I'm making more decisions about what I can afford & what not.

Hope you are feeling better, & those feeling you have when triggered soon ease. Try & get some more calm & gentle time, just caring for yourself, & if you like going outdoors, taking a walk, listening to nature, all the better.

Hugzies,

mmmekitty

[On The Road]

Not coping well...