Social anxiety in the workplace and group settings

[beamer012]

Hi everyone,

My name is Ben, I've just turned 28, and I've hit a point where I'm struggling to figure out where to go in life. I feel I have a large mix of underlying issues that I'm not exactly sure of or how to fix, and I don’t know how many other people are struggling with the same issues that I have.

I’ve had issues with social anxiety for as long as I can remember, I’ve struggled to make and hold on to friendships – I only have one friend I keep in regular contact with, as well as intimate relationships where I’ve only had the one girlfriend which lasted about 18 months. I’m in the process of questioning whether I’ve made the correct career choice as well, as there seems to be pressures on being social in the modern workplace. I’ve also been experiencing depression for the past couple of years, and my motivation for doing particular things, such as doing physical activities, tasks around the house, cooking, and the things I used to like, has been steadily dwindling.

While I am good at what I do for work, I believe my introverted and quiet demeanour damages my reputation, and over time I feel as if I become less and less noticeable. This is the same in social events regardless of whether it is work or otherwise, I always get anxious when I’m surrounded by people I don’t know. I can have a one on one conversation with someone without no problem, but as soon as more than one person comes into the mix I tend to shut down and remain silent. I don’t know when to politely interrupt or join in the conversation for fear that it would be rude, and all this time I’m trying to gauge what the body language and thoughts of the people around me are.

I’ve thought about changing careers but I’m not sure where I should move into, I’ve even thought about moving to another country to start a new life. I’ve always read in many places that it is ok to be yourself and be different, but I am yet to see or accept that is perfectly ok. I feel as though I’m so much of a contradiction that I am definitely alone in this area.

I’m just not sure what to do next that would help me change things for the better, I’d greatly appreciate any help or advice that you may have.

[TheGirlInTheFlannelShirt]

Hi Beamer012

I have only tonight joined this forum, but wow you’re post stood out to me straight away. I just wanted to let you know you are not alone in feeling this way. In fact everything you wrote about from you’re job, relationships, you’re motivation for everyday activities to your thoughts of moving away resonated very deeply with me.

I’m sorry I can’t give you any advice on what do to here because I’m still yet to figure that out for myself. I thought I was the only person to feel like this as well, it has been good for me to read your story. So thank you for your courage to write.

The one bit of advice that I can relay that has helped me today. Cranking my favourite music through my headphones motivated me to get some cooking and tidying up done.

[beamer012]

Hi TheGirlInTheFlannelShirt,

Thank you so much for reaching out - it's comforting to hear that somebody else understands how I'm feeling 🙂 Thanks also for your helpful bit of advice, I'll definitely keep it in mind.

I hope I can offer you some advice in return in helping you with anything that you might need assistance with based on our similar experiences. At first I was a bit apprehensive in sharing my story because I had no idea what others would think, and when I first wrote it, it was so much that it would have taken up 3 posts, but I'm glad I did and that it did resonate with somebody.

Thanks again 🙂

[broken_toy]

Hi Beamer012

I too have felt invisible and have noticed that my motivation for any activity has dwindled. I used to be very house proud and really social, and now people complain about my overgrown lawn and dusty house interior. Housework and mowing just seem trivial. Going out, too much effort. Dealing with people......yuk.

I combat this by completing one task per day. Just one. If I get more done, bravo. If I end up unable to get motivated, I forgive myself and reschedule that task.

It can be as simple as going for a walk outside, doing my laundry, washing the dishes, doing shopping or even sitting still and reading a book. As long as I get out of bed to do my one thing. Just one thing. Sometimes just starting a task can be motivating.

Do you have a regular GP that you can talk with for a referral? Maybe getting a diagnosis could provide some peace of mind, and a better idea of treatment or coping skills.

As for the work anxiety, I can only speak from my experience. I did not socialise with my workmates. I kept my personal life separate and rarely made exceptions. I do have friends from past workplaces, but they only see surface me, not real me. I didnt go to work to make friends.

Moving away did not help me. It was initially exciting, but it was still me and my head friends, and they didnt do well with the change lol

I have found that a regular daily routine helps settle my negative thoughts and provides some stability.

I wish you luck on your journey. You are not alone.