So where do I fit

[Major_Tom]

For the second time in my life I feel I am losing control. Right now I have almost every symptom of depression, I struggle to remember things, and wonder if that's just age? I can't concentrate at work and have a poor attention span. I have no confidence, and doubt everything I do. Dreams and reality sometimes blend, and I struggle to get any quality sleep. On the outside I am happy , and socialise well. Unlike the last time though, I recognize the black dog this time, and am moving with this first post to head it off. I just don't seem to fit the classic depression. I hope to help others and help myself by at least joining in on the BB forums.

[geoff]

Hi Major Tom, thanks for posting your comment and there have been many good points that have been made.

Our own type of depression can be very similar, but different in ways we can relate to, and it's easy for some of us to keep busy before the final crunch, because all we are doing is flooding and over-loading ourselves trying to avoid what is about to happen.

It's about how you feel, who would know any better than yourself, but you're struggling with different thoughts, am I, maybe not, influenced by what others say or often feel unhappy without any rhyme or reason, all these questions indicate something could be wrong.

All of this uncertainty creates a concern 'where do I fit', don't hide it, if you do, then it's going to take you longer to get better, you need to know who is supporting you and who isn't.

Take care.

Geoff.

[Storme]

Hi everyone

I've just joined the forum and what a relief it is to be able to be honest about living with depression and bipolar. I have felt so isolated with no one to talk to - how do you cope when no one seems to understand what it is like to live with depression / bipolar?

Some days I need to have a 'bubble day' in the garden with my beloved dog, Layla and not see anyone. I've been honest about my condition to my new partner and he says, 'yeah, I understand ' but when I can't follow through with a plan he gets disappointed (which I get) but also petulant and moody. I find myself apologising which makes me feel worse.

So I end up inventing a reason.

How is it for others dealing with a partner?

Storme

[Major_Tom]

OK, my attempt to deal with this myself this time round, has fail. As soon as I stopped consciously trying, I plummeted. It was my wife who recommended I go to the doctors. She, and my daughter, are recognising the changes I thought I hid well. Anyway I will get the drugs and see how I go. Thank God I know it's depression and am acting now. Last time, when I didn't know, I wrote my kids a farewell note. Never going there again.

[Major_Tom]

Somehow I don't think the medication is working this time. I seem to be in an out of two worlds reality and dream like. I do things then can't believe I even thought it was a good idea. Some days every thing falls into place and the next I can't do simple tasks at work without them being a chore. Overwhelming anxiety seems forever close. Does this make sense to anyone?

[white knight]

Hi Tom, how are you feeling?

Another thread you might find interesting is

Beyondblue topic anxiety, how I eliminated it

Cheers

Tony

[Major_Tom]

Such a constant battle, off the meds, on top of things crash and repeat. I don't want to fall in those holes as they now look so deep. I feel so embarrassed that I flinch when my wife might catch me on this site. I know... I should talk to her about it, but just doesn't come out. I fake normal very well.

[Major_Tom]

I'm find myself back again. And I just read my post of 15/4/19 and am gobsmacked. It is word for word what I would write now. Except it's the third time and the hole feels a little deeper. I need to break this cycle. I will utilise Beyond Blues services this time, going it alone has failed.