So where do I fit

[Major_Tom]

For the second time in my life I feel I am losing control. Right now I have almost every symptom of depression, I struggle to remember things, and wonder if that's just age? I can't concentrate at work and have a poor attention span. I have no confidence, and doubt everything I do. Dreams and reality sometimes blend, and I struggle to get any quality sleep. On the outside I am happy , and socialise well. Unlike the last time though, I recognize the black dog this time, and am moving with this first post to head it off. I just don't seem to fit the classic depression. I hope to help others and help myself by at least joining in on the BB forums.

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

We that have depression dont slot into definable categories, our depressive symptoms vary.

The standard procedure is to visit your GP. He/she will deal with it or refer.

A good move to join here as we are here 24/7/365 so you can post when you need.

Use google

Beyondblue Topic the timing of motivation

Beyondblue Topic depression, a ship on the high seas

Beyondblue Topic medication is a whirlpool

Beyondblue Topic is acceptance our biggest challenge?

Regards

TonyWK

[Major_Tom]

True Tony, I guess the question was a bit rhetorical given everyone is different. What I think unusual is that I don't feel sad, and generally have a happy disposition, almost like there are two distinct me's. Happy me and the tearing itself apart me that no one really gets to see. Although those close to me think I am lazy, indecisive and forget things no one seems to have noticed I am not OK. I wonder if anxiety is the culprit. Anyway thank you for the resources, and I feel relief already that I have at least posted here.

[Raider]

Hi,

i can sort of relate to your story of two sides. A couple of weeks ago, i was in one of my more depressed days, but still working. Just took the day off that was really bad. However, during a conversation with colleagues, I mentioned that i was completely stressed. The reply i got was that i was always the "cool, calm and collected" one. It was the first time I realised it's not visible, or i am very good at hiding it. However, it kept me busy for days. Over the last months i have actually, on advise of my psychologist, reduced my involvement at work. Something i found very hard to do but it has turned out to be better for me. I might look a bit lazy to others maybe, but i do it for me.

I also find it very hard to start doing things at home because if i worry it is too much, my Stress Anxciety kicks in and i risk losing it. My wife sometimes pulls me down to earth and then let's me be. I used to have hours or days like this, but since i have had help, they are much shorter periods.

I hope this helps.

[white knight]

Hi MT

Thanks for replying.

The odd thing about depression is that it doesnt have sadness as a symptom. Depression is difficult to describe but low mood, no energy, tiredness, suppressive feeling, a need to be alone and other symptoms.

Sadness can be linked to dysthymia and bipolar as moids change.

Whatever your problem actually is it is justified to pursue diagnosis. Until then it is a guessing game where invariably we non professionals get wrong.

Regards

TonyWK

[Max-Jayne]

Don’t worry, I feel you. I’m the same. My memory is probably only a couple minutes and my depression and anxiety is overboard. This is hard for me cause I’m still at high school so I have to be able to remember things from the day before or the previous week.

i also have barely any sleep. Recently I’ve been staying up all night feeling like I’m gonna cry, but that’s normal for me now.

My parents used to think “oh hey, she’s fine, even tho her sister is ADHD, autism and anxiety, she can’t have any of those... She’s all good”.

they see me now and all they can think is god she has so much wrong with her

dint worry dude... your not alone

[blondguy]

Hi Major Tom

Great to have you as part of the forum family!

TonyWK (above) is wise when he mentioned seeing your GP.....Your doctor does have the training to provide you with the peace of mind you are seeking by means of a simple visit...Making a double appointment is also a good move as your GP can provide you with more effective help

I have attached the 'copy & paste' link for the K10 Depression/anxiety check list......Its private and only for you Major Tom!

www.beyondblue.org.au/the-facts/anxiety-and-depression-checklist-k10

It will provide you with an assessment re your own situation 🙂

The forums are a safe and non judgemental place for you to post Major Tom. Your privacy and well being are paramount to us

my kind thoughts.......also....any questions are welcome too! (if you wish to ask that is)

Paul

[Major_Tom]

Thanks Paul, my score is high, I knew it would be. At least this time I know my enemy. The first time, I had no idea what was wrong with me and after seeing five different doctors and specialists, who could find no cause, one GP directed me to the BB website, and when I did a similar test, I cried with relief that I had found a diagnosis. I guess it's my age or having fought through it before but I am reluctant to tell friends and family ,chosing to fight it under my own strength with my GP as a back up. I still have the CBT notes from the psychologist and am reviewing those. Meanwhile everyone thinks I am the happy MT

[Major_Tom]

Thanks MJ, Raider and WK, it's good to know I am not alone. Perhaps calling it depression is really the wrong word, as it does conjuring thoughts of unhappiness and sadness. Perhaps internal anguish syndrome would be more accurate. Thanks for everyone's input.

[Robyn56]

Welcome Major Tom. You are taking the right step here. Your story is just like mine except mine is just pure loneliness causing my deoression. Happy on the outside to others but at home alone and a mess. Trying all thinks to get me through and hope talking on forums helps fill that void. Stay well. You are doing the right steps. Robyn.