Sad/depressed, no social life

[anonymous001]

Hello

This is my first post, not sure if my circumstances count as a legitimate issue but their here anyway.

Lately, I've been feeling really bad, around like 2 or 3 times a week when at home I just feel pretty bad, I'm not at stranger feeling this way but I use to only feel this way like once every 6 months to one year.

I see my friends going out a lot to town every week, most of them live together or are constantly hanging out together and I'm just sat at home not doing anything or working, but always by myself, not getting invited or anything but they still contact me on snapchat and stuff but I doubt that really constitutes as being social, sometimes I see them but I have nothing to talk about with them unless we're drinking then its just dumb.

I go to uni by just sit by myself, I think its because the uni I go to is kind of far from where I went to school and so I don't really know anyone, but its still pretty sad just sitting alone all day, tried to make some friends but didn't really work out, and its not like I'm weird or anything because they still greet me a chant a bit but there's no friendship really.

Don't really have much of a relationship with my family, if I did I probably wouldn't be on here, its nothing like domestically violent or anything its more just I don't relate or feel comfortable with them or talking to them.

just kind of struggling to make friends and I think I'm feeling depressed or just sad, not really sure.

another issue is that I see everyone getting into relationships and stuff, I'm over 18 and never been in one, never had a sexual or any type of experience with the opposite gender, I think I'm not repulsive so it's got to be a personality thing I don't know, like I feel pretty normal personality wise, I'm not ecstatic or confident or anything but yeah i don't know.

Basically just always now feeling lonely, nervous, sad/depressed(only a couple times a week, not always)

Point of this was to just get some answers from people on here, sorry for the crap structure, if I was feeling better it may have looked nicer, still, if anyone has advice or answer, or something to add that would be cool

[startingnew]

hi there Anonymous and welcome to BB

all circumstances are valid and are welcome. well done for reaching out for support for yourself. please know this is a safe place to chat and seek some help/advice.

your sounding rather alone and lost in your circumstances and tbh i would be too and i can relate to quite alot of what youve said including no friends, always on my own, struggle to make friends, family troubles and no intimate relationships (dating). it can be rather hard to deal with on your own and cause lots of emotions (anxiety/depression etc)

do you think you need some extra supports like from your gp, or a psychologist?

do you think maybe you could organise a catch up with your friends (the ones that chat in social media with you)? go to the movies or out for lunch or something and try to make that effort as well (im not saying you dont make an effort btw). you dont have to have alot to talk about really as convos generally just flow when theres a few people or even just one person.

with uni.. could you perhaps transfer to a uni closer to you so your around more people that you know? or join in with some groups around your uni like a sport, or bookclub, or study group or something? im not familiar all that much with uni so perhaps im not the best person to give advice in this area.

if your into it maybe you could try online dating sites and see what happens that way?

with family- what about visiting them occassionally and start building up some relationships with them?

please keep talking here, we are here for you.

[Doolhof]

Hi anonymous001,

Welcome to the community here! I see that Startingnew has already provided you with a lovely response.

At Uni, is it possible for yo to look for another person who sits alone and go and have a chat with that person. Other people may be feeling exactly the same as you!

Are there any groups or organisations you could join to meet new and different people?

I don't always get along fantastic with my family members. I find it helps when connecting with people if I allow them to talk about themselves and find out what their interests are.

Do you have hobbies or things that you enjoy doing? Can you find ways to pursue these more?

There are many different sections to this forum, maybe when you feel comfortable here, you might like to have a look at the social section for example and see if there is a topic there that interests you.

Sometimes when I am out shopping I have a chat to people at the counter or the check out. I was with my sister recently and she told me I would chat to just about anyone as I was talking to customers in a store as well! I have a husband but he doesn't talk much, so I chat when ever possible to other people!

Cheers to you, from Dools

[CJames]

Hi anonymous001,

startingnew and Doolhof have pretty much covered everything pretty well.

I was thinking, Have you tried any volunteer work? I was struggling socially at school, after a pretty big argument and still are, but volunteer work has helped. Specifically, in Firefighting, I have grown closer to these people which I now pretty much call a second family, it's helped me expand my social circle here in Perth.

Secondly, RE: "another issue is that I see everyone getting into relationships and stuff, I'm over 18 and never been in one, never had a sexual or any type of experience with the opposite gender, I think I'm not repulsive so it's got to be a personality thing I don't know, like I feel pretty normal personality wise, I'm not ecstatic or confident or anything but yeah i don't know."

Have you tried anything, dating-wise? Apps? I don't think it should be a rush to try things sexually or have a relationship, take your time. Love is a trick game sir and can take time.

Good Luck,

C.

[anonymous001]

Thank you for the reply, i met up with some friends recently, it was alright during the time but once it ended then communication just stoped aswell, as for online dating i gave it ago and met somone, we chat but sometimes she just ignores messages, she probably has things to do but it just makes me anxious, otherwise im feeling better about some stuff, however, for personal resons i may avoid seeing a psychiatrist for some times

Thanks again

[Only_the_lonely]

Hello and thank you for sharing how you feel. You have your whole life in front of you so its ok to be an introvert and shy. Find something you enjoy doing , like going to the gym, or take up a contact sport as long as you enjoy it. One thing we never learn is how to keep yourself happy and even after completing school we still are left wondering where our school friends have gone. We all have to find our passion in life so the choice is yours. Once you have a common interests, you will bump into people, in chat rooms and on a face to face basis so keep your life interesting by taking up hobbies. I, for one, work alone at home, and my work mates hardly contact me but I have my tropical fish tank to maintain , attend the gym and say hello to some random person there and I have my family at home to chat to. I try to maintain contact with parents and kids as well. With family if you were not close at early ages, you will find it hard to have a relationship if it was not there at your early years. So find your passion, reading books, visiting library, be curious about life itself and follow social trends and world affairs and once you engage your brain in getting information, you will certainly meet like minded people. Take up cooking if that interests you too. Eating together is a great way to bond relationships so that's a positive approach. A friend of mine who was in the Australian Army said, they develop the mateship in the Defence force by having a meal together and sharing jokes so please take note. Life is a gift and everyday is a blessing so don't feel down if you don't have people around you. We all enter this world alone and we will leave alone as well so enjoy what makes you happy and soon you will meet like minded people who will chat until the cows come home. Don't be afraid to take the initiative to chat to somebody. Ask them the time , or complement them about something they have and soon a conversation will flow, even for a brief moment. Visit your local library / gym, shopping complex and soon you will be a familiar face there and people will chat with you. I am in the same boat so I keep myself busy with my hobbies and visiting my local friends when they are free ( which is not too often as they have young family to attend) Hope this provides some positive impression to your situation.

[KJMachine]

Hi Anonymous001,

There are already some great responses but I wanted to firstly say well done on getting the courage to talk about your challenge and to also let you know - you are not alone. I can only talk about my experience and I hope this gives you some solace or additional courage to move forward.

I did not particularly like university because I struggled with depression (although not diagnosed at the time) and would have issues socially - talking to the opposite sex, actually going out etc. I was 20 and never been in a relationship or even been kissed. I felt alone and isolated and would drive my roller coaster further. In fact I had lost many of my 'friends' due to my fluctuating moods. It was not until my final year in uni that I sought help from the university counselor because I was coming to the end. It was for me - the final try. The counselor was really supportive and whilst he acknowledged he did not have the full skills to help he did connect me to a professional who could. This prompted and enabled a wider conversation with my parents (whom I had told nothing of my challenges).

The only thing I can say is that you are not alone and what you are feeling is not wrong or abnormal. A couple of people have advised maybe talking to a GP or reaching out to a counselor at university. I can only support this as if I had not done this, I would not be here. So Anonymous001 - you have great courage in taking the first step in speaking here and I encourage you to keep that courage and keep going.

I hope it all works out well for you.

[anonymous001]

Hello, ive returned

First thing i would like to say is just thanks so much to everyone who replied to my original post, i am sorry i hardly replied to anyone but you all did help alot, ive been working at trying to become more confident in myself, even going out to meet people and its been cool, i did however have an extend question, even tho im getting over everything previously mentioned, i was wondering on what people opinion in regard to reserved people is?

For example a girl ive started hanging out with has said i come across as very reserved, and i dont reallt know if that is a good or bad thing, i did just want to hear peoples opinion about it,

I am sorry if this isnt how the former is suppose to be used, im still getting use to it all

-thanks

[startingnew]

Hello and good to hear from you again.

I guess it depends on what she means by reserved..... Have you thought about asking her what she means or if its good or bad?

[anonymous001]

I have thought, the opportunity hasn't really come up yeah; i could ask but it may be some what out of the blue, probably should ask then