Really Struggling

[Malen]

I have a good job, been there 14 years. On unpaid leave since mid-January due to my own mental illness and because I was caring for my sister. My sister recently attempted suicide, I found her, it messed me up, more than I was before.

I have heaps of medical and mental health issues, 27 different medications a day. Chronic pain. Bladder Cancer. Bipolar 2 with psychotic features, Anxiety and Depression. Then some. 

Currently recovering from a brief psychotic episode, managed to have that with none of  my family realising or doing a thing about it. 

Currently struggling with anxiety and depression. My anxiety is off the charts but I have medications to help control that.

My depression is really bad at the moment, self care is basically non-existant. I shower when I have to, used to be when I had appointments but Im down to if they are going to need any clothes off or its been more than what deoderant and cologne can cover up. 

Eating is a bit, I dunno. I wake up at like 1 or 2 in the morning and will have some cereal. Im buying lite n' Easy meals for lunch and tea, like their main meals and force myself to have lunch but its usually postponed. Tea, I have to eat for my medication so again Im putting it off but making myself do it. Crap food, no problem, ill eat that all day if left to it.

Medications is  a bit of a deal. I dont want to take them, 1/2 the time I think they are poison, the rest of the time its just a battle to take them. 

I had spinal procedure recently so daily life is a bit 'relaxed' I try to do what I can but its not much as most things cause pain. 

Getting around 5 hours sleep is doing well. This has been the case or a while, not the procedure, though pain has been an issue for a long time. Waking up seeing a vision of my sister when I found her from her attempt. They are regular and happen during the day.

[smallwolf]

Hey there.

Despite the positive news with the income protection,  it sounds like you are also going through such a difficult time with both your physical and mental health. 

It's understandable that you're feeling overwhelmed and like life is getting to be too much to handle. I know it might seem as though you are the only one experiencing issues with psychiatrists etc.  but from the little I have read in the media, you are not alone. And while you are having issues getting the help you need, there are people who would care about you.  Keep advocating for yourself and seeking out the resources and professionals you need to manage your physical and mental health.

It's important to take care of yourself during this time and to reach out for support when you need it. And I hope that in other responses on the forums here you might be able to feel a little more at ease.

Stay strong, and know that you're valued and appreciated.

[Malen]

Ive made a plan and have the means but I dont go further because I dont want my sister to grow old alone. Once our parents are dead each other will all we will have. But man sometimes the urge overwhelms the reason not to and I have to really work to keep my reason against in my mind.