Really Struggling

[Malen]

I have a good job, been there 14 years. On unpaid leave since mid-January due to my own mental illness and because I was caring for my sister. My sister recently attempted suicide, I found her, it messed me up, more than I was before.

I have heaps of medical and mental health issues, 27 different medications a day. Chronic pain. Bladder Cancer. Bipolar 2 with psychotic features, Anxiety and Depression. Then some. 

Currently recovering from a brief psychotic episode, managed to have that with none of  my family realising or doing a thing about it. 

Currently struggling with anxiety and depression. My anxiety is off the charts but I have medications to help control that.

My depression is really bad at the moment, self care is basically non-existant. I shower when I have to, used to be when I had appointments but Im down to if they are going to need any clothes off or its been more than what deoderant and cologne can cover up. 

Eating is a bit, I dunno. I wake up at like 1 or 2 in the morning and will have some cereal. Im buying lite n' Easy meals for lunch and tea, like their main meals and force myself to have lunch but its usually postponed. Tea, I have to eat for my medication so again Im putting it off but making myself do it. Crap food, no problem, ill eat that all day if left to it.

Medications is  a bit of a deal. I dont want to take them, 1/2 the time I think they are poison, the rest of the time its just a battle to take them. 

I had spinal procedure recently so daily life is a bit 'relaxed' I try to do what I can but its not much as most things cause pain. 

Getting around 5 hours sleep is doing well. This has been the case or a while, not the procedure, though pain has been an issue for a long time. Waking up seeing a vision of my sister when I found her from her attempt. They are regular and happen during the day.

[David35]

In the interest of helping you without breaching guidelines, there are online psychological services available with wait times of days as opposed to weeks or months for in person psychologists. Don't resort to alcohol. I've been there and it's a dead end. Take my advice and seek help.

[geoff]

Hello Malen, firstly I hope you are still checking this post and I'll post this straight away and then come back to you.

Geoff.

Life Member.

[Malen]

yep still checking

[David35]

Don't let your dad's lack of understanding with trying to reach out to crisis hotlines deter you from getting help. I've been there myself for different reasons. If it helps, use it. They are there to help you whilst you put the various coping mechanisms in place.

[David35]

In terms of the types of pscyhologists. This is my brief understanding.There are 2 types:

1) Registered pscyhologists - 4 year bachelor degree

2) Clinical psychologist - 1-2 years Master's degree on top of bachelor degree

Clinical pscyhologists are more specialised, but cost more too, due to their higher qualifications.

[Malen]

HI

Im more interested in if I need CBT or DBT etc. I keep ending up with talk therapy and getting no actual skills etc

[quirkywords]

Malen

just wondering if youwent to hospital and how you are going. 

[Malen]

I didnt go to hospital but I did eventually go to the urgent mental health care centre. Had a chat there. It was a really long process. I felt worse at the end, just reinforced how shit things are. There was no outcome as such. Get more out of calling a service. 

I didnt think going to a hospital was worthwhile, I tried getting my sister help when she was full on suicidal and got no where. MH services suck in our area. To get anywhere close to help its an hour drive away and probably 6-8hr wait. MH is not prioritised. 

[Malen]

I had good and bad day today

I finally got notified that my income protection has been approved today, so in the near future  I am actually going to have an income again. I have been on unpaid leave since mid-January, Im lucky that my Dad has been able to lend me the money I need to live during this time.

No sooner had I got that news did I get a call telling me my GP was sick and couldnt do our appointment tomorrow. It was kinda important. Doctors are getting funny about prescribing my  pain medication, which I need as I have a lesion on my nerve from spinal surgery. Now I have to see yet another GP (thankfully they could get me in) and see how much of a fight Ill have to have with him to get my pain killers. I really hope its minimal.

It does however mean I can make it to an appointment about  my sister and whats happening after her release from hospital.

I did send an email today trying to get an update about my psychiatrist referral. Ive been fighting for 3 weeks with this company just to get the referral to them, now they have it Im kinda eager for them to triage it and get an actual appointment. I really need to get onto a regular appointment structure with a psychiatrist. I have a one off with the Community Mental Health Team Psychiatrist on the 21st, but as I say I need something ongoing. The psychotic stuff is getting a bit out of control. Also I want to know what sort of psychologist I need and I want a psychiatrist to tell me, thats what Ive been told I need to do.

Life is getting a bit much to handle. My thoughts are getting really on the well plan and resources are in place. Im missing the intent but if shit keeps going south the intent might not be the thing stopping me. Like if the pain specialist says my new pain is permanant or they wont do the surgery again etc that could push me over the edge. I am currently safe though

[Eevier]

Woah, you're dealing with a lot there! Glad to see there's some positives and it looks like things are starting to get aligned. It can be really frustrating though when it's such a push to get everything organised and one thing along the way can throw everything off. Hang in there. You've got the wheels in motion xx