I understand. I have cPTSD. I had just written on a post “I don’t know where to begin”. Reading your words echo that helped me. So thank you for that. Makes me feel a little less strange and alone. So I hope you may feel that too. I’ve been reflecting lately that ptsd is like a hair knot that has got so worn and tangled from so many issues that it’s turned into a solid dreadlock, that feels impossible to detangle and you just don’t know how to begin. 2 years of trauma therapy so far (and no doubt years to come) has shown me that I’ve been able to loosen the big knot at least a little by teasing out one little issue at a time. Like talking through one event, or about one person at a time. Like as if each thing is one chapter in a book. Some day I have to actually write that whole damned book (literally) to get it all on a page so it’s out of my system and I can hope to move on. Right now i (and others) are in the coronavirus chapter and it’s a hell of its own that I never saw coming. I can’t fathom that there could be one more thing - like this- after so many other things I’ve been through. Maybe you feel the same, I don’t know. It makes me fear what will come next. It sure is scary, as you said. I do feel it was a good tip, one of the replies to you, to just start somewhere. Some symptom or situation. For me it’s my mum right now driving me crazy, and not understanding how much I’m hurting. For you it is something else. I hope you can voice it and that it will break the wall. Thank you for your words. It takes courage to write like this, doesn’t it? You found it too.
