Our family has been affected by someone who has narcissist traits.

Kabwell · ‎12-08-2018

HI everyone, my wife has been working with a guy who we now know was love bombing her. He was all over her at 3 different work parties and she has told him that she's married and that he should be happy with his girlfriend. Since this rejection which was done in a nice way he has been splitting and treating her terrible. All she wanted with him was friendship and not anything romantic but he kept pushing it by text etc. He has all the traits of both borderline personality disorder and narcissist personality disorder. The thing is that my wife believes that his bad treatment of her is all her fault and that she must have done something to make him change. I won't go into all the things he is doing in this post but it involves splitting, gas lighting, triangulation leeching supply etc. Is there any councilling services in the north of adelaide that can help us..?

romantic_thi3f · ‎13-08-2018

Hi Kabwell,

Welcome to the forums! Thank you for being here and I'm sorry that your wife is going through this; it sounds like you really want to support her and I'm glad that you're here and reaching out.

I absolutely agree that a counsellor is going to be the best way to support you and your wife right now.

We can't recommend anything specifically but I can let you know of this website - https://www.psychology.org.au/Find-a-Psychologist You can then filter by location so you can see what's in your area.

Alternatively you can search "counselling North Adelaide" and see what comes up.

I'm not sure if you're aware too but your wife can look at getting a MHCP (Mental Health Care Plan) which enables for 10 funded visits to see a psychologist. These can be either fully or partially funded depending on which one you see but can help.

I hope this gives you a good place to start. Thanks again for reaching out.

Croix · ‎13-08-2018

Dear Kabwell~

I'd like to join Romantic_thi3f in welcoming you here and agree that seeing someone like a counselor sounds a good idea as it may make you wife realize who is really to blame. Unfortunately many people do tend to think others' behavior and faults are due to their own actions, normally a completely unjustified view.

May I ask what you wife would like to do about the matter?

Romantic_thi3f has some good suggestions, I'd add giving our 24/7 Help Line on 1300 22 4636 a ring and asking what services are available in your area.

Do you think, as this is a person your wife works with, she might feel it worth her contacting her work and asking for advice there too? I'd imagine from your description she may well be uncomfortable there as a result of his activities.

Croix

Kabwell · ‎14-08-2018

Thank you for your replies. Her workplace HR is involved and it means I cannot say too much more due to confidentiality. But I can say that they are putting some of the blame on her. My wife has undiagnosed high functioning aspergers but is also an empath wanting to help stray dogs cats and people which makes everything harder for her to deal with and is easily duped by narc like people. She has had to go through the love bombing which she rejected in a nice way and now has to deal with him ignoring her, showing agresive behaviour etc. This is generally done when there is no witnesses as he comes accross as a fun lovable quirky guy. We have been advised by three health professionals to take out an AVO order but we do not want to go down that path at this time. I think we will be getting the union and safework sa involved. The biggest problem is that she feels that it is her fault this has happened.

Croix · ‎14-08-2018

Dear Kabwell~

If three professionals are talking AVO then they may well be right. At least it may be there as a last resort.

I guess all you can do is support our wife as best you can. Does she have a friend at work to lend her support there? I'd imagine she could easily feel very isolated when at work, particularly if HR is not totally sympathetic.

Official inquiries, Safe Work and the union proceedings, like AVOs, all come with a fair degree of unpleasantness and stress. If our wife is a sensitive person do you think it will have so much effect on her as to not be worth it?

Croix

romantic_thi3f · ‎15-08-2018

Hi Kabwell,

It’s great to hear back from you and thanks for your post.

As someone who is trained in HR, I can say that there is no training or guidance whatsoever on mental health (only elective training in the workplace). The focus is on the business, the employees and productivity. I really struggle to imagine how HR can really effectively support your wife knowing that she has undiagnosed Aspergers as well, knowing how much this is going to impact on the way she interacts with people.

I still recommend that it would be helpful in seeing a counsellor; a lot of them can work side by side (with your wife’s permission) with the employer and HR department. Most counsellors (hopefully) take on a bit of a holistic approach; so not just practical strategies at the workplace, but also helping your wife respond to the comments and cope with them; allowing them to not impact her personally or believe that it’s her fault.

The other thing that I would recommend is for your wife to keep a diary. This can be used for all of the comments made; date/time/what was said/who was around. It’s a way to help keep him accountable for his actions, rather than a ‘he said, she said’ conversation.

Hopefully this helps,