Not sure how to feel

[Dontknowwhattofeel]

Hi. I'm not really sure where to start. I've never had proper counselling because I'm scared to share my issues so I thought I'd try here. I know despite non professional help I know I'm abnormal emotionally and somewhat physically as I see things I can't explain and hear voices I know shouldn't be there but are. I doubt myself a lot and feel like I can never think straight or sometimes if I feel much at all. It feels everyday I lose interest in myself, I barely eat, I struggle to sleep and feel half the time I don't know what I'm doing or why I'm doing it. Most days I consider temporary escapes through substance abuse or alcohol intake or too an extend self harm. I'm not sure if I want these things or if I enjoy the pain the bring and concluding that I deserve such self abusive attributes. Id say I feel lost but at the moment I'm not sure what I feel...

[TheBigBlue]

Hey there,

I’m having another of my sleepless nights so just wanted to reach out to you so you know you aren’t alone.

While my issues vary from yours, personally I find talking to a psychologist very therapeutic. I know it seems scary to reach out to someone like that for the first time, but once you find the right person it can be a great help.

i never felt comfortable with the first psychologist I went to see, so after three sessions I didn’t go back. Fast forward a few years & my depression was really overwhelming me so I asked my GP to refer me to a psychologist. And just like that I found someone I felt comfortable with & was able to share things with her that I had never shared with anyone.

it sounds kind of dumb, but my weekly appointments with her were literally the highlight of my week as well as what kept me going each week.

Don't be too critical of yourself, sometimes we judge ourselves way too harshly. It was brave of you to reach out here & hopefully you can find the support you need.

Just be kind to yourself tonight, hopefully tomorrow might bring a better day your way

[Neko31]

First of all, and most importantly YOU ARE NOT ALONE. There are so mmay people in the world that feel and think the way that you do xx

You have taken the first step to looking after you. So big pat on the back and you have come to the right place.

People on beyond blue fourms who are voulenteers such as myself, members with mental illness and addional needs and also most importantly the professional staff are all on here for a reason. We want to help. Or we need help.

My advice to you is to call the beyond blue support line and get a counselling session from a professional. First of all.

And second I want to share with you that sharing your information to a professional of any kind is private and confidential and also non judgemental. It took me a while to realise that myself but I am in such a better head space now with seeking a professional to help me with my mental illness. It also lead me to a diagnosis of ADHD and for the first time in my life I feel human.

Psychologists. If you want someone with a diploma seek no less than a clinical psychologist.. And know that not only do they need to click with you but one of them is not a match to every person. So it may take time to find someone who you click with.

I also feel you may need a psychiatrist and again you need to click.

Its a trial and error process and takes time. So if you do seek professional help, don't give up on your first go xx

You are worth more then your thoughts ok xx you've got this xx and don't give up on you.

[therising]

Neko31 and TheBigBlue have offered you great support and suggestions.

It must be an incredibly confusing time for you and it's definitely important you have someone help you interpret what you're experiencing at the moment. I believe, until we're able to interpret what we're experiencing, things can feel pretty overwhelming and sometimes pretty scary. It can definitely feel like a lonely experience.

I want to tell you what I wish people had told me during the years in which I was battling my depression (as well as during my time coming out of it, which was pretty trippy) 'What you're experiencing is normal, given the circumstances'. I know, bit of a strange statement but if it was revealed to you the circumstances behind why life is a appearing the way it is, you would most likely think 'No wonder I'm experiencing what I'm experiencing'. Hope that makes sense. 'Normal, given the circumstances' is far more productive than saying, on replay, 'I'm not normal'. So important you don't let your circumstances define you.

Just wanting to let you know that I'm here for you anytime you feel like expressing yourself.

🙂

[mocha delight]

I find your post interesting and was actually drawn to it as after reading it I remembered during the night last night when I was half asleep I thought I heard my name been said out loud twice but yet there was no one else but me in my room.

[Dontknowwhattofeel]

Thank you for your support. I'm never sure which direction to go and sometimes it can feel like I'm alone. I've been trying to build the courage up to see a professional and every time I do I get too much anxiety about it and overthink plenty. It also doesn't help I'm overly critical of people because of past experiences. Hopefully I do get there however, thanks again.

[Dontknowwhattofeel]

Thank you for the information, I've never been sure about doing it due to anxiety but since this post it lifts my spirits a bit knowing I'm not the only one. Not only knowing but hearing from such sources.Unfortunately I am unsure about medication as my father who I haven't know for a long time was mentally unstable and had a bad reaction to said medication. As someone who has some amount of knowledge I know genetics isn't everything that makes up their child in this aspect me but I am afraid of a negative reaction. Thank you for the information however I'm sure it will help me take steps towards finding a way to being better.

[Dontknowwhattofeel]

Thank you I appreciate your kind words, as well as generally expressing a selflessness. Its still nice to know there is support out here. As my Mum doesn't believe in mental health as much, and has the whole "its all in your head" cards. Also being quite youthful as being the age of 21. All of heard growing up is "Be a man", or "what are you crying for, you are supposed to be a man". I think if I had a parent who had better knowledge of mental health I might of turned out differently.

[Dontknowwhattofeel]

Its a feeling that is intriguing as well as it is terrifying. Its not always random either. It can sometime be different on different properties for example where I live every night at early hours of the morning I hear taps dripping despite tightening them sufficiently every time I use them, and I hear the floor and walls creak as if someone is walking through the house. Hearing whispers and sounds I cant explain that sounds far sometimes and others can sound in the same room. Yet at a friends house I hear voices similar to that of a young girl. I forget about it until I hear the same voice whisper "boo" right next to me. And with it happening often I struggle to sleep much if at all.

[mocha delight]

So you’ve not thought you’ve heard you say your name when no one is there as I don’t know if I’m imagining things, losing my mind or going crazy/ crazier but it’s only happened once but I hope it’s a one time thing