Not feeling well

[Gusty88]

Hi

I'm on here because I'm really not feeling well and I didn't know what to do.

Im in the midst of a severe anxiety attack and I feel so sick and scared and alone.

I feel like I'm going crazy and that I honestly don't know what to do.

I have seen pshycologists in the past and was diagnosed with anxiety and depression. My anti depressants I stopped taking years ago (mirtazon I think) I gained a lot of weight. The cou culling was for childhood assault and domestic violence.

I think I have undiagnosed personality disorder as i have many of the traits and my relationships always suffer.

I have been with my partner for 5 years and known him for 10 years and it was love at first sight (for me) and when it's good it's great but when it's bad it's extremely hard to cope. he cheated at the start I put up with it but I can't forget Iv basically made him cut off everyone since because I feel when he goes out he'll cheat or meet somebody else. I have severe trust and jealousy issues.

iv been slowly getting more and more unhappy in the relationship sometimes even bored so I'm very one sided I go out and do things but tell him he can't do anything.

I always threaten to leave if I don't get my own way about something like him going out and then it turns into a mental breakdown and name calling it's truely horrible and I'm disgusted in myself as I write this.

Tonight he went to a work party and was ment to come home 2 hours ago. I have called and texted threatening to leave and name calling. I seriously think Iv lost it I actually have pains in my chest I feel literally sick.

Sometimes I think it's better if I left him for both our sakes but the thought of him moving on breaks my heart like it actually feels like I'm having a heart attack and I can't function and be a normal person just stay in bed and get up for toilet and to chain smoke.

Sometimes I think I'm actually crazy but I guess I am I think it's taken a long time to admit that Iv tried to hide it so well.

I don't want to be like this but I can't help it sometimes I just think I'm beyond help 😞

does anybody else have a similar issue or any advice I really don't know what to do

thank you for reading

[Kazzl]

Hi Gusty, welcome to the forum. Given how unwell you're feeling right now, I suggest you call our helpline and speak to one of the professional counsellors.

It sounds like you need immediate help to bring the anxiety attack under control before you can start to think about strategies for other things, and they will be best placed to help you.

The number to call is 1300 22 4636.

Once you're feeling better it would be good if you can post again and we can talk more.

Best wishes

Kaz

[geoff]

hello Gusty, life for you at the moment is not what you had ever planned it to be like, it is bringing you down further and further each day, living with someone that you can not trust, plus I'm concerned that you're not taking your antidepressants (AD) not that I'm a doctor and have no authority in saying so, but you need to go and see your doctor, because how you feel now would also be bringing back those awful memories of your past, so it then turns into one big problem.
You need to be diagnosed because if you do have a personality disorder then medication may help you, but your in a situation where you don't trust your b/friend because the thought of him playing up behind your back horrifies you, compared to the thought of telling him to move on and surviving by yourself, but while he's still there living with you nothing is going to improve, but if you want to start all over again by yourself then there will be help that you can get.
You firstly must be diagnosed by your doctor before any help can be offered, this is important, because your doctor can't begin to treat you until they know what you are suffering from. Geoff.

[Ellu]

Dear Gusty88,

I agree with Geoff. It is time to seek professional help. The first thing you need to do is sort yourself out, and once you have done that you can start to tackle some of your issues. You sound really sick and upset. I hope you rang the helpline - if not do so now and talk to someone who can help. If you go to see your GP he/she can refer you to a psychologist or psychiatrist to work out exactly what your diagnosis is. Please don't feel put off by the idea. You need to find out exactly what is going on and take medication if necessary. I have bi-polar disorder and take regular medication. It is my lifeline, and since I have been diagnosed and have been seeing a psychiatrist it has made an enormous difference to my life. Take the step now to ring up for an appointment. You have lots of people on this forum who empathise and will support you.

Ellu