Welcome to the forums, Wallablack.
Well done for coming to the right place. Rest assured that you will be heard and understood.
I too had to go through rape and its aftermath...a long and tough journey.
Unfortunately, it often takes a few attempts before finding a professional we can connect and work with long term. It is team work. Engagement and dedication must come from both sides. Nothing wrong with ditching someone who you feel is just there to take your money and start searching for another psych. Besides, not all of them specialize in PTSD (the usual mental/emotional scars left behind by sexual assault).
Seeing sexual offenders get away with a smack on the wrist and having blame shifted onto you is indeed incredibly angering. When the system lets you down, it adds to the outrage and insult, doesn't it ?
Isolation due to family and friends' ignorance does makes it worse, doesn't it ? Mental conditions are difficult to understand for sufferers, even more so for those around them. They escape the scope of logic and reason so can be very difficult to explain.
A good therapist would invite a loved one to one of your sessions. A professional's words and advice are usually taken seriously.
And yes, keeping a job is not easy when depression and anxiety turn your life into a roller coaster of inconsistencies. Sometimes, letting it go and focusing on regaining some peace of mind is way more important.
Your safety is the priority so please take good care of yourself. If suicidal thoughts become too overwhelming (even if you have no intention to follow through), please do not hesitate to call a helpline. At least you can have an in depth conversation with someone who is not going to ask you to toughen up...or have a beer to make it all go away !
Meanwhile, remember this is your space. Feel free to continue to post as much and as often as you feel comfortable with.
We're here to listen and would love to know you a little better.
