Newbie

[melbourneant]

Hi all, this is a new thing for me, I have known about beyond blue for a long time, however I only recently started think it might be useful to me. I have suffered from depression and anxiety since my early teens and have managed it over the years in varying degrees, however at this stage in my life I think I am managing it as best as I can and I am a functioning human being on the outside, but on the inside I feel as if I am waiting to self destruct.

2 years ago, at a prime stage of my depression and anxiety, I decided I did not have enough problems and uprooted my life from WA and moved to VIC. Since then I settled into Melbourne and got worse and then better to the stage I am at now, however there is still a lot missing.

The one major contributing factor is all I do is work and housework and eat and sleep. My life has very little joy, which I get from my dog and partner who is extremely distant from me, and of course the occasional retail therapy I get to do.

I feel I need to do more, and this is one of those things which I hope will help me.

[kanga_brumby]

Firstly Welcome to BB. My first thought is have you considered voluntary work. There are many and varied places all screaming for volunteers. There all different types of positions available as well. With most you only put in the hours you want, I have done heaps of it and almost all ways got more out of it, than what I put in. You could always go back to schooL, tafe, or even uni. I don't know your interests or what your looking for. So good luck Have fun, if you want help most people around BB are willing to assist with advice. Or a sympathetic ear to bash. You may even score a virtual hug or two.

As I said good luck Kanga

[geoff]

hello and welcome to the site.
What I can see is that you are putting on a fake face pretending to be happy, when in fact that's not how you are actually feeling and finding life to very mundane, except for your dog, but you have to remember when you have good days and then bad days there is a problem you're struggling with, and from what you have said it could be your partner who is causing most of this.
I don't know whether or not he helps you around the house, cooks any meals or does any cleaning, but if he is distant I would doubt it.
Retail therapy may help you for only a certain period of time, especially if you have the money to get what you want, but then you have to go home to a partner who obviously doesn't love or care for you, so is there any reason you have to stay together, unless you both have signed a lease, or need someone to help pay for the rent, so I'm just wondering about what your options are. Geoff.

[Guest_4093]

Gday,

Finding happiness and fulfillment in life can certainly be challenging. A book that I now read often and was recommended by a specialist I have been seeing,called "The Happiness Trap" by Russ Harris has been very helpful for me and if you dont mind a read could be worth investigating? One tool I learnt from the book when I am feeling a bit down or even just during my lunch break is to go for a walk to a local park, plant my feet on the ground, shut my eyes and listen and identify 5 different sounds, then 5 different smells, then enjoy simple things like the sun on the back of your neck, or the sweet smell of cut grass.

Enjoying the fundamentals of life is something I now strive for.

[Booklover74]

Hi Melbourneant,

Your post struck a chord with me. Maybe its the way of the modern world but sometimes it seems like all there is time for is work, eat, housework, sleep - then rinse and repeat as they say.

You don't say if you live with your partner, I'm not sure if you mean him being 'distant from you' as being emotionally or physically unavailable. Either sense can make life more of a struggle. I'm possibly not the best person to comment in that regard as I'm verging on being anti-relationship at the moment after realising how many compromises I made during my marriage. Life as a single person for me is much better.

I recently made a list of all the things that make me happy no matter how small, for example; proper tea made in a pot and drunk from a tea cup, a blanket that was crocheted for me, my books, paintings, etc. I know that when it all gets too much, these are the things that either calm me, or distract me. And I've slowly been removing anything that isn't on that list.

I'm only part-way into finding my direction again, but I have found that simplifying my life has helped, so when that rut gets too deep I have some sure-fire ways to start climbing out. I have a pocket-sized book of landscape paintings I carry in my handbag, so if the day gets too much, I can take a few minutes to mentally check-out.

All that is to say, find the things that make you feel happy and find time for them, even if it's only 5 minutes in your day.

[melbourneant]

Hi Booklover, thanks for your post.

It's interesting how similar we are in our thinking, as I agree with everything you've said. The modern world does seem to be as you described, and if I was to become single I do feel that I would have the same feelings as you.

I do live with my partner, and the distance extends to both emotionally and physically, and I am scared to say anything about it as I do not feel prepared for the possible consequences of the discussion.

I like your list idea, and I have heard it before from others. I have never used it for this purpose but I do often use it for when I am want something particular from say a new home or job, and it does help so I will give it a try. It's funny how you find comfort from your books, I am exactly the same, I have always dreamed having my own library.

I guess my version of your pocket book is my desire to disconnect from life at times and just think of a better life and day dream of how I would make it better... I realise this is probably bordering psychosis but I am not the far gone.

Thanks for your advise and all the best to you with finding that direction and happiness.

[melbourneant]

Hi Guest_4093, thanks for your advice. I actually was given that book a fe years ago and had forgotten all about it since I read it all that time ago, so thanks for the reminder and I intend to get it out soon and read it again. I have also partly taken your advice of the walking at lunch. Being inside a building all day is really probably not good for me, but I rarely go out at lunch and if I do it's to buy lunch, so this week I have gone out at lunch for a walk and whilst I haven't gone to a park mostly because I haven't found one and I am no good with directions and am fearful I'll get lost, it has helped to get out.

I hoe to be able to get to the stage you are at, thanks again

[melbourneant]

Hi Geoff, you've described me accurately when you say I am having to put on the fake smile and give the impression I am the exact opposite on the outside to how I feel on the inside.

I do most of the day to day things at home, I enjoy cooking so I like that and I think it's easier for me to clean the house because I am a bit OCD when it comes to things and I feel guilty if I don't do it. The guilt comes from me not working for a year and he supported me. That being said he doesn't do nothing and he does work longer hours, so please don't feel like I am saying he does nothing because he does, it's just I guess I assume more responsibility with things at home and I do mostly enjoy it. It also distracts me from the fact I have no life outside of work.

As for the retail therapy, definitely not a long term helper and it's mostly not something I get to do often, it's more dream shopping, and at times when I have saved enough or I work extra I can spoil myself.

That being said I do wish I had more time to myself, and on the flip side of that I wish I had more things to do other then work, cook, clean, and sleep.

As for my options, that is complicated, and I am very sad to say that one of the reasons I am not confronting him on why things are the way they are is financially I have no where to go, and I cannot afford the place we live in on my own, so there you have it.

Thanks for the post and I hope your journey with whatever has bought you here is on a good path

[melbourneant]

Hi Kanga, thanks for replying to my post. I haven't considered voluntary work recently. I wanted to in the past, but never have. In theory it's a nice idea, but I do not know if I would have the time, as I mentioned in one of my other replies I feel like all there is time for is work and housework and sleeping, but that in writing sounds stupid and if it would help me get better I would be prepared to try it.

Would you have any recommendations on how I would start finding something?

Thanks

[Quiettall]

Hi Melbourneant

I have been reading through your postings and responses from others. In terms of voluntary work, you could look on websites such as Volunteers Queensland, or something similar, depending on which State you live.

Another idea, and more radical, is to consider doing a voluntary role for a few weeks to a few months somewhere totally different. For eaxample, have you ever checked out Australian Business Volunteers or ScopeGlobal website. These two are one of many agencies that place people in voluntary assignments overseas. The assignments are matched with the particular skillset the volunteer has. An allowance is paid to cover travel, health insurance and basic living costs. It is something I did last year, and am now completely hooked on the concept. It lifts you out of the day to day consumerist lifestyle we have here in Australia and puts you in a context where you are working with people who have so little, but are highly grateful and appreciative of your contribution. I found I learnt huge amounts about myself as well.

I would love to hear more of your progress and see where it takes you