Walking on eggshells: life with personality disorders.

[Katchatt]

Growing up I always felt there was something strange about my mother, but I could never put my finger on it. How could I? I was a child, with limited life experience and zero understanding of mental illness.

We fought constantly. Her behaviours to me were odd. She flittered from job to job. She left, or was forced to leave because she never got along with her colleagues. It was always "their fault"... It was always "someone's fault", just not my mother's.

Friends came and went. I would stand like a statue, shocked as my mother created a scene so dramatic the friendship could never come back from it. The more they tried to talk sense into her, the more hysterical and enraged she became. I tried to reassemble the carnage with humour... Nurturing my inappropriate use of 'medium chill'.

She craved attention from my father, yet nothing he ever did was good enough. She found negatives in everything that gave him pleasure and would list them daily. Yet she was his world and he would have done anything for her. She couldn't see how lucky she was. No one ever met her unrealistic expectations. We walked on eggshells.

Fastforward 30+ years and I find myself in a psychiatric hospital. I am no stranger to this place. I have visited my sister here too many times to count. She has had 4 serious attempts to end her life in the past 12 months.

This time I am a patient...

This is when I learn about personality disorders...

This is when I stop walking on eggshells...

[Croix]

Dear Katchatt~

Thank you for your post, it may seem a big step - setting things down for strangers, not easy, embarrassing maybe, generally a worry. It's been a good thing to do for many of us. There are lots of people here with all sorts of conditions, some just starting their journeys, some well along the way. We can understand and by saying what happened to us give an idea of what will happen and what helps.

I've been in a psych ward. It happened at the worst moment after about 10 years of increasing struggle, and actually was a turning point, though I don't really know why. I did change my meds, and I was away from the hassles of day to day life - perhaps that was it.

I'm sorry to hear abut your sister. Life has certainly been pretty full on for you from the start.

Can I say anything encouraging - well yes I can.

First, as I said, hospital can be a help. Secondly and perhaps more important is the way you wrote down your post. It shows clarity of thinking and the ability to set things down in order, and acknowledgement of many of the things that have been significant.

All of that will be of great help as you begin a recovery.

I'd dearly like to know more about you, if you have other family who are on-side and sensible. If your sister is ok at the moment. You don't say your own history, have you been ill for a long time?

If not you may gain some knowledge from The Facts menu above that covers the causes, symptoms and treatments for a variety of conditions and gives some practical help too.

Please have a look at some of the other threads in this Forum and see which others you can relate too.

Posing back here will be met with care and understanding.

You have my best wishes,

Croix

[Fairywings]

Hello there sweety and welcome i suffer from BPD its such a nasty monster i wouldn't wish it upon anyone alongside other little nasties. In saying this it can def be managed. I am so sorry ur r going thru this my hubby has always said to me i have multiple and different personalities i have been medicated for the past 20 or so yrs and they still come out to play every once in a while other months are worse than others but they would rec havoc almost everyday now with the help of my meds they come out to play once or twice a month - still enough let me tell you. they like to hang around for weeks on end and things are very difficult but this time i am strong enough within myself not to let them win. I am so sorry to hear about your sister psych wards are never any fun 😞 but with the right support and help you guys will get thru this. Please feel free to touch base with us here anytime we are all for you xx Venessa

[white knight]

Hi katchatt, welcome

It is vomforting that some bod sufferers get help, many dont and that is a big problem.

I suspect that my mother had chronic bpd and other issues. Not that l could confirm...she'd never get a diagnosis and "its everyone else that has the problem"... sound familiar?

l dont mean to hurt those with bod but in bad untreated cases they can be terrible people to live with.

Google this: waif, hermit, witch, queen

When l did that l read about my mother.

Then l googled- children of mothers with bpd

I read about myself and my brother and sister. Bipar2, depression, anxiety and so on.

My sister and l cut ties with our mother 6 years ago.There was no chance we could help her, she wouldnt help herself.

I wish you well. I dont like demonising those with that illness. There's no way l can describe the turmoil, the destruction, the revenge or using our father against us.

Tony WK