Newbie :)

[feenxo]

Hey all. 

Not sure where to start so ill give it my best shot.

Ive battled with depression since '07 when my uncle killed himself. It was really unexpected and i was only 13 so i didnt totally understand and i didnt want to accept it because we were so close.. Many moons later i fell pregnant with my first baby and thats when i started getting horrible anxiety & pnd. That eased the older my baby got but November '15 i got a call that nobody wants to get... My father, at just 41, had decided he had enough and was missing my uncle so he too killed himself. It was a total shock. I was and still am stumped. Two brothers, plenty of broken hearts.... 

d.r.s & c.k.s xo

Please talk to someone if you need help.

~feenxo

[white knight]

Hi feenxo, welcome here to beyondblue forums

My sympathy to you and your family.

I have had a brother and an uncle go the same way. It leaves you numb and some have guilty lingering for a long time. What if I did this, what if I noticed some signs...etc. "could I have prevented it".

The most likely answer to these questions is - not likely. So if you feel any fear of your own actions or lack of actions please try to think logically about it.

I found that time was the greatest healer. Time cannot be rushed but once a good deal of time passes you begin to recover. You might have your own way to recover. Mine was writing, often poetry to heal my inner wounds.

There are so many threads on here that might interest you on this topic. You could make it a habit to read a few threads every day. It will help.

Also attending your GP for a referral to a qualified counsellor would be a wise move.

Again, welcome here. We enjoy newcomers here and we are here for you.

Tony WK

[blondguy]

Hi Feenxo

My sincere condolences on the loss of your Dad and your uncle....that is so sad....

Like Tony said.....time is the greatest healer and if you can/have a GP that you are comfortable with please see her/him....

I havent had to go through what you or Tony have had to....so I will thankyou for the courage to post Feenxo..

If you wish to reply, We are here for you ....just write

Kindly Yours

Paul

[geoff]

dear Feenxo, I can only offer my sincere condolences for losing both your dad and your uncle as no time is a good time
to have to experience any of this.
There must be so many questions which you want to know the answers to, but you don't as they are left unsolved, and are
going to be for a long time which is just so very sad for you and in telling your child who will always be asking
questions.
It's too difficult to know why someone wants to end their life like this, but with me it was my depression, but thankfully
I am still here, but this doesn't take away any pain that you are suffering from now, and my heart goes out to you.
I honestly believe that you need to see your doctor, because I am worried about PND returning to you and which may cause
PTSD, so I urge you to seek help, but please don't leave this post from you as only being one comment as we hope that you can
get back to us for much needed support and perhaps guidance. Geoff. x