Oh golly gosh.
Family + strong emotions + a gazetted public holiday with all that pressure to be happy being together = a recipe for potential disaster. It's no wonder a lot of people can feel desperate around Christmas/New Years.
There's a few Buddhist teachers in the States that say a lot of students choose an Asian master hoping to side step the distinct neurosis of their own Western family, only to find they can't, and that in the end it has to become part of the practice unfortunately.
Certainly not an easy task. But Buddhism is simple in theory, dreadfully hard in reality, but very rewarding.
For me 'surrendering' was really about loosening my grip and being willing to start the grief process. I was fed up with the story. Fed up with the personal biography. And yet I was stuck in it if you get what I mean.
In the end it was really about how do I begin to accept the random cruelty of life.
I realised all I can do is remain willing to be sad and accept loss. It's not any different to a death.
I can't expect or demand anyone else to be sad with me because it was my spirit that was shattered, no-one else's. There's a lot of loneliness in that. But if loneliness is all that's ahead of me, I'll be sweet as.
Good luck.
