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[georgesmith241]

Hi, I kind of don't really know why I decided to do this but I think maybe its just cause someone I don't know might listen and just to let stuff out.

I've always suffered from anxiety in different forms.

Since I started uni this year I have found my anxiety has just gone through the roof. I don't like going out, I can't stand when adds pop up on tv about it, it even got to the stage where I couldn't fall asleep in my room cause that's where I did my study. (plus other things)

I don't like talking to people about it cause I feel like they'll think I'm a drama queen or something because "eVEryOnE SUfFeRs AnXIetY" plus I've always kind of been the person everyone else comes to so they just assume that I'm all good with everything.

I find it really hard to make decisions about things. I don't know why but I kinda think maybe it's cause I don't like letting people down?

It constantly feels like my mind doesn't sleep and I wish I could just turn it off.

There's some stuff I've been thinking about lately too that I cant decide on because Im too scared. that's the only way I can describe it.

I'm not sure how this forum thing works and if there's a way to contact other people who may experience the same stuff.

[Soberlicious96]

Dear George,

Welcome to Beyond Blue and well done for reaching out.

When you said "I kind of don't really know why I decided to do this" I thought, maybe it is just because some part of you knows that when you share what's going on, it loses its power over you, and reduces the load, yeah?

I remember when I started my Diploma at TAFE (14 years ago now) and I too thought 'What the hell am I doing? I can't do THIS! I'm not smart enough for this!'

And it's funny because looking back, I wasn't actually all that enthused about the particular course I'd chosen. I was doing a Diploma in Community Welfare, and unfortunately discovered that I did NOT actually enjoy either the study or the work in the field. I think that particular type of work is better suited to others more qualified, and thicker skinned than me. I did however manage to complete the Diploma ..... if only by the skin of my teeth ..... and get the qualification. But then I left work in the Welfare sector, got a job in retail and and been in love with my work ever since!

May I ask what course you are doing? And why you chose it?

I remember I chose the Diploma because it seemed to be the 'in thing' at the time and I wanted to be in with the 'in' crowd ..... otherwise known as 'people pleasing' and pretending to be someone I am not. I did a course that was popular, but not necessarily for me. A few years later I did two more courses; one in Web technology, an another in Digital Media and LOVED them!!! Unfortunately, where I live (rural/regional area) there's not a lot of opportunity to work in that area, but nonetheless I LOVED the course and looking back, 'shoulda coulda woulda' done that sooner, if only I'd had the courage and knowledge of how to be more true to myself. But I guess we all live and learn at our own pace.

Perhaps you could consider swapping courses to something that would make you happier? Something that is more you, and no so much what is the 'popular' thing, yeah? Of course, I could be completely wrong; after all, I don't know anything about your motives and what drives you.

I do hope that whatever the solution is, that you find it soon, and that it brings more joy than frustration and anxiety, like you hare having now.

And remember, you can come back here to nut it out some more, as much as you like.

Take care, I'll be thinking of you. xo

[georgesmith241]

In high school, I completed a cert 3 in early childhood and enjoyed that but finding work was tough, so after graduating I had a "gap year" where I volunteered in a primary school and I fell even more in love with working with it! So I went on to do primary teaching. This year is my first at uni.

I've always thought I'd become a teacher and have grown up around many people working education. but since starting I have found I just have no motivation and as I said my anxiety has just gotten worse.

Now I'm stuck between should I just yolo it and stop uni and chill for a bit then try to find work or something else I want to study or do I suck it up? I feel so stupid when I worry about what everyone else is going to say or think because I know that at the end of the day it's my life but I just can't stop thinking about scenarios of what may or may not happen when making any decisions no matter how big or small.

I don't know if you'd relate but in my last few years of high school my anxiety was rarely evident but after leaving I just lost my confidence and my anxiety grew. I feel like I've gone backwards and I'm confused and frustrated about it all.

[Emmen]

Hello georgesmith241,

"I've always kind of been the person everyone else comes to so they just assume that I'm all good with everything." - This was me during my teenage and uni years too. I'm glad you've come to this forum and shared with us what you're experiencing. You'll find that many of our community members are struggling with anxiety as well, so I'd encourage you to browse through the forums and see if any threads are useful for you.

It's okay to feel like you have no motivation with what you're doing. Sometimes, the path we have chosen for ourselves just isn't the right one. Alternatively, you could be on the right path, but it currently may not be everything you imagined it to be. I've always been a bit more of a "yolo and experiment with what I want" kind of person, and I've found that at least gives me some perspective as to what I really want in life. Coming from that perspective, taking some time off uni to reconsider your interests may be a good idea.

I do understand that fear of what others may say. To be honest, my anxiety spiked when I was out "yolo-ing" (particularly when I quit my serious full time job to intern in jobs I thought were 'fun') mostly because of the things people were saying about me and the idea that I had to meet society's expectations somehow. But I've also come to realise that if I'm not happy, I can't make the people around me happy. So I do have a responsibility to ensure that I find my own path, however that journey goes.

I think you need to give yourself a breather and reconsider what you'd like to do. If you feel like you can't afford to give yourself that break right now, then always remember that you can always change industries later on if you feel like teaching isn't for you.

Take care,
M