New years blues and procrastination

[Atleigh]

I go back to work tomorrow after the holiday break and I am dreading it. 

Its a strange feeling as I don't dislike my job or my colleagues, work is fine. It seems to be more a feeling of procrastination and avoidance. 

2022 was not a good year in my personal life, while my job was fine there were a number of family and pet deaths across the year, some very unexpected. Emotionally the year punched hard. 

While I have been on leave I haven't done much and its like everything has just stopped for a bit, going back to work feels like going back to reality and having to be back on show, being professional and getting things done. 

Im not even really sure what im worried about, 2023 being a crap year still, failing at work, not liking my work any more, having to see ppl, ppl judging me, finding out that really no one likes me at work or thinks i do a good job- they were just being nice because i was dealing with so much in 2022??

I dont know, i only know i can feel the anxiety is just there on the far edge of my thinking and i hope it doesnt creep up any further.

[Croix]

Dear Atleigh~

Welcome to the Forum, a good place to come because here you may find others who have had to cope with similar situations.

I've had a couple of people who were very close to me pass away in the past two years, plus I've had to get a pet put out of suffering. It changes you. Things you had not thought would stop do, unanticipated.  Life is no longer certain. I guess it is part of greif. And as I found greif has no time-line, not expected finishing date. Everyone reacts differently.

At the time you keep on going, putting energy into work or other things and that way blunting the impact of loss.

Then, as in your life, holidays come along, there is no need or opportunity to keep pressing so hard and motivation stops, you suffer, though you may not put two and two together, from physical and emotional exhaustion.

It does act as a time-out in a way and now that time-out is finishing and life looms back. You do not sound refreshed but anxious, something that may not be that logical but is strong nevertheless. So it comes out in worrying about work, worrying about your perceptions of how people felt about you, not enjoying work -and more.

While it may be understandable it is no way to live. The sorts of anxieties you have felt may pass quickly when you return to work and find all is good. If they do not then may I suggest you see your doctor and have both a physical and mental examination. Explain about last year and how you are feeling. It may be you need at least temporary assistance, perhaps therapy, counseling or other treatment.

Do you have anyone in your life ot support you? The don't have to fix things, just listen and care. Coping on you own is extra hard.

I hope we can talk some more, good wishes for tomorrow

Croix

[Mark Z.]

Hi Atleigh,

Welcome to the forum.

I'm so sorry for what you have experienced in 2022, and I think I can understand you.

There was too much uncertainty, and too many 'surprises' in the past year, which makes us feel that our life is going to be out of control, if this trend continues. Unfortunately I'm afraid it's the new normal, and 2023 will be a tough year in general for most of us.

In Jan, when we just return to our workplace, normally we won't be pushed too hard. You can restart your role slowly and step by step. Try to focus on the positive aspects, enjoy the content of the job and the teamwork with your colleagues. Try to support others and seek help when you need.

When you feel it's hard to stay optimistic, feel free to come back and share your story.

Mark

[geoff]

Hello Atleigh, I realise today is when you have to go back to work and know how you must be feeling and probably dreading it.

If I can say how sorry I am for the losses you have had to experience last year and sometimes these feeling don't particularly leave us for a long time, unfortunately.

It's not helpful to think about what people think of you, because no matter what, under any circumstance you can't stop them feeling this way, but when it does matter to you, then view them as what others think of them.

Being a professional means you have to put on a fake smile, even though it's hurting you, but if you feel uncomfortable, then perhaps you aren't ready to face work just yet and should consult a doctor.

Geoff.

Life Member.

[Atleigh]

Thankyou Geoff, Mark and Croix,

This was my first post into a forum and I am a little suprised at how it has made me feel. It really does make me feel supported that ppl I have never met can empathise and understand and not judge. Thankyou.

First day back went well and i feel less of the anxiety i had yesterday. 

I want to try and make it through this year without needing medication to balance the feelings, they help amazingly but I would like to find other ways through where I can. Maybe this forum will help with that.

Im sure Im going to have the highs and lows that seem to be the world we exist in now. I am going to try to focus on the overall positive. Try to find the things that make me feel good and put the importance there- not on the views of others and how they make me feel.