Hi Sashathedasha,
I hope you don’t mind if I extend a gentle welcome to you to the forums here...it sounds like you’ve struggled with a lot over the years. 13 years with anxiety and depression is quite some time. I admire the resilience it must have taken to get through those years...
I think it’s a huge adjustment to come off meds, especially after so many years. The mood swings sound really rough...very exhausting and draining...
I feel it must be particularly hard when it also sometimes means you unintentionally end up snapping at family. If it reassures you a little, I know that you mean no harm by it, and that this is all largely due to coming off the meds. So I’m glad to hear your mood is starting to settle...
I hear your frustration. I think it’s difficult when you want to do certain things or be a certain way (e.g. be “carefree and content”), but then have to accept that your mental health means that you might need to revise your own expectations. I think that can be a difficult reality to grapple with...
You do sound like you have very high expectations, which seems to sometimes make you feel down on yourself. While I don’t think there’s anything inherently problematic with high expectations, I think it can become an issue if it means never being happy with oneself, constantly self berating, etc...
That being said, I think you’re in good company here. Many people on the forums struggle with having high self expectations. So I feel there’s a lot of understanding here...
I hope you’re finding your way around the forums okay, and you’re always most welcome to write any time. No pressure though, but please know that there are people reading along and wanting to support you if you want to continue talking...
Kind and caring thoughts,
Pepper
