New to the forum - hello all

[shiftingsands]

Hi all. I am new to the forum here and hope that whatever I can contribute will be worthwhile. I am a carer, as was my mother to my terminally ill father some years ago. We have other family members and friends who are carers as well. So life for us all is filled with many joys and tough days, like many other folks here.  I have been a professional in the mental health field, but my passion is in advocacy and believing in those who may not believe in themselves. I also believe that carers and those they care for deserve compassion and understanding - something which is sometimes not easy to come by in the general community, and sadly, sometimes even in families. Believing I am a very positive and grounded person I hope that in the times I visit this forum, I can also offer some folks support and understanding of my experiences as a carer and as being one who has also personally had some tough times to deal with. My blessings and peace to you all, ShiftingSands.

[Paul]

Welcome to the community shiftingsands. Lovely to have you here!

I can imagine that being a carer can be very rewarding and very exhausting emotionally as well.

There are lots of beautiful people here who need to know that even though they are in pain and it hurts like hell and it feels like there is no hope that we are here and there is hope and we understand.

Again, welcome!

Paul

[Cherpieus]

Hi shiftingsands.  Welcome to the forum. 

My father has been carer to my mother for the past 4 years. My mum is dying from a brain tumor and is now in Nursing Home - unable to move or talk. My father is at the nursing home every single day from 7.30am til 7pm. I work from the nursing home 1 day a week to keep my father company and visit 2 - 3 other times during the week.

Given your experience I'm wondering how to look after my father after my Mum dies. He can take care of himself physically but he has spent so long looking after my Mum I'm worried he won't know what to do with himself. He is 79 years old.  Have you seen other people move from being a carer to not being one anymore and is there any advice you may have about this transition?

Thanks,

Cherpieus

[geoff]

dear Shiftingsand, hi and thanks for joining us, as your experience and knowledge would be well appreciated.

To Cherpieus, my sister would go into see my Mum 5 times a week at the nursing home she was in, and when my dear Mum passed away it was hard for her to know what to do, so she took up painting, and worked 1 day a week.

Your father has done a terrific and caring job by being at the nursing home for all those hours, and perhaps he can still visit the home and help out.

However when your dad does have the time when your mum passes away, he has to try and find a hobby or a group like 'Men's Shed' to try and get involved in, because he can't just stay at home doing nothing, although there will be a time where he wants to grieve, and that's only natural, but he may need a little push after awhile, because he may say 'I will soon'.

If he has an old friend then the two of them may decide to go fishing, play golf or go away, but he needs to get involved into something that he enjoys and wants to do. Geoff.

[Cherpieus]

Thanks Geoff. 

I do hope that he will find some things to do that he enjoys and that he will still be healthy enough to do so.   As much as we will all miss my Mum and I feel a little guilty saying this, I wish the dying process would be quicker in her case. 

Cherpieus