New to BB and New(ish) to Oz - C-PTSD, BPD and Depression.

[Endtroducing]

Good evening all,

I'm Lyndsey from Sydney (originally from Manchester, England). I'm new to Beyond Blue and just got out of my first hospital admission yesterday. Could really use some company from people who understand this kind of stuff and this place seemed like a good place to drop by.

Hope everyone is getting by okay xx

[Guest_2350]

Dear Endtroducing,

welcome to the forum. How are you doing after getting out of hospital? I hope you are ok and you have support around you.

When did you arrive from Manchester? Did you come with your family? I come from Europe as well and sometimes it is difficult not having my family and old friends here.

Take care, Yggy

[Endtroducing]

Hey Yggy,

Im sorry for the delayed reply, I only just saw your message, thank you for replying to me.

I am very lucky in that I moved here with my Mum and she is supportive. I'm finding things pretty tough at the moment and I know it is not helped by the fact that I don't talk about this kind of stuff, especially with people I care about - I feel like I'm going to explode because stuff hurts so much, but I don't know how to express it.

How are you doing? Where in Europe are you from originally?

x

[bipoTilly]

Hey Lyndsey,

I'm new here as well, just subscribed and read your post. I don't know how to say it but I can feel your confusion and frustration. It's hard to talk about it with people who did not experienced the same. How are you feeling now?

I have been diagnosed with depression about 2 years ago but I think I'm more bipolar. I'm going to see a doctor in a couple of weeks that hopefully brings clarification. Apologies if my writing may not make sense, go through a depressive one right now and can hardly think or move but feel so lonely that I came on here 😞 How do you cope so far? How long you had symptoms?

Hope you are alright, please take care.

[Missimpatient]

Hi Lyndsey,

I've only just signed hi to this forum & yours was the first post I came across, it felt like you were reading my mind, I'm really struggling & bs have been for a long time I don't know how to cope yet I still manage to put a fake happy front on each day for work & apart from one person at work no one would guess I've got C-PTSD at all except for the fact that I absolutely avoid all social situations & make up lies as to why I can't attend... I also don't talk to anyone not even my mum about things because I don't want to burden anyone else with my problems.. just reading your post & knowing that I am not alone & completely misunderstood gave me some comfort & hope that I may be able to seek help & get better, most of the time I feel hopeless and so misunderstood

I'm Jen btw, I also live in Sydney & have my whole life!

Thanks So much Lyndsey xox

[Endtroducing]

Thank you BipoTilly and MissImpatient for your kind words, they mean so much more than you might think and I feel humbled by by what you both shared.

I think it's true that sharing the most painful of emotions is often easiest when you're sharing with strangers. The feeling of being a burden and not wanting to upset the other person is still there, but not as intense. I also agree that it is strangely comforting to know that somebody else, living miles away or even in the same city, feels things close to how you feel.

Since my last post I have had my second hospital admission this year, I've had some of my meds changed around and I was discharged home last week. Things are still super hard, my Dr suggested more ECT if their is no improvement with the change in meds but being in hospital caused unbearable triggers for my PTSD so I asked if I could go home - it kind of feels like stay in hospital feel overwhelmed with fear and anxiety or come home and feel less anxiety but more depression. I wish I could think that neither would take hold but these are both kind of my reality at the moment.

I am still attending DBT, which was also part of the reason why I chose to leave hospital. The skills I have learnt so far have been incredibly valuable - although putting them into practice is so far proving to be difficult!

I guess the only thing to do is take 1 mini-step at a time and know that even though I'm barely hanging on, it's something. A Nurse asked me the other day what my goals were and it made me think, I'd like to go back to work, I'd like to make some LGBTQI friends (well, friends in general really, but friends who I could be myself around) but right now it feels like I can barely focus on the day to day stuff so, for now, the day to day stuff counts.

I genuinely and wholeheartedly wish you both the best. I wish you both love and also please know that however much you are in pain and hurting, you are not alone xxx