Hello Everyone

[CGiblet]

Hello to everyone here. Im very new to this and although it seems kinda intimidation i'll do be best to introduce myself.

Im fairly young, some how beat the odds to come out of terminal illness and infidelity to go try and start over in England, spent a few years there, found love again and have come back to Australia for a year or to with an amazing partner.

Coming back has been pretty rough, turns out its pretty easy to ignore your past problems when you're half a world away from themIm finding it hard to get the confidence up to land a job even though i was hugely successful in England.

But i guess my biggest fear is that all of the past sadness, insecurity and grief thats caught up with me being back here; will come between my partner and I and drive us apart. I don't want to be dependent on him or anyone for my happiness, i just seem to have forgotten how to depend on myself.

Everyday here something seems to remind me of the cancer or the betrayal of my ex partner, i have anxiety most of the time and its incredibly hard to not take that out on my partner who doesnt deserve any of the fall out of what Ive been through.

Long story short, I dont have much hope left but Ive still got a bit of fight in me , and hopefully will come through with my soul mate so i can finally move on.

Anyway apologies for the short novel, and I really do hope something in your day makes you thankful.

C

[Zeal]

Hi CGiblet,

Welcome to the forum!

You sound like a kind and courageous person, and I'm glad you posted here. It's great that you've found a beautiful partner to share your life with.

With unresolved sadness, grief and insecurity, seeing a mental health professional is crucial. I recommend going to a General Practitioner (GP) for a referral to a counsellor or psychologist. To find a local GP, using a search engine like Google could help.

If you ever need to talk to someone understanding, you can call Beyondblue's 24/7 helpline on 1300 22 4636. Telling your partner you have unresolved grief from your past is a good idea, as communication between you two will make all the difference. For advice on talking about your own mental health, visit this site: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/have-the-conversation/talk-about-it#findwords

For general background info on mental health and wellbeing, you can check out this site: http://www.mindhealthconnect.org.au/

It would be great to hear from you again. You can post back here to discuss your situation further and/or to ask questions.

Best wishes,

Zeal

[Lazykh]

Hi C,

Welcome to the community! Congrats for beating the odds with your health issue, too. It's not just about luck and chance, surviving after a terminal diagnosis also takes an incredible amount of strength and courage, so I take my hat off to you.

I can understand how it must be difficult for you to come back to Australia and be confronted by things that remind you of what you went through before you left. I have PTSD myself after a very abusive relationship and I left the area I lived in to 'regroup' myself and move forward. PTSD or no PTSD, the little reminders you experience that make you feel anxious are called triggers - they are, unfortunately, a normal part of the process of dealing with trauma.

It's important to keep yourself grounded and remember that you are not in the situation that you were in then, and in fact you aren't even the same person you were then as you have grown and learnt from your experience. We call this the 'two worlds' scenario. You've got the trauma world, and the now world. In the trauma world, you needed to feel anxious and sad because these physiological reactions were trying to tell your conscious mind that something was wrong (just like feeling physical pain tells you that you've injured yourself). The problem is that those 'rules' that we learnt in the trauma world get translated into the now world, where they aren't actually relevant any more. The more you can rationalise how those rules and intrusive thoughts are not relevant to your situation now, the more they will become redundant until they eventually leave you alone.

It's great that you realise that sometimes you do take things out on your partner and that this isn't what you want to be doing. If you want to change something, it is almost never impossible. But that doesn't mean it isn't difficult when you're under stress. It's human nature that we tend to lash out or act inappropriately when we feel frustrated, cornered or anxious. Psychotherapy is also great for helping you to work out what you can do to change things and react differently, and therapists have all the knowledge to help you make sense of your feelings and situation so that you can get the satisfaction you want and deserve out of life. We all get a bit off track at times, and therapy really can make a huge difference - I hate to think where I would be had I not found such a wonderful psychotherapist.

[Lazykh]

(continued, I ran out of room)

I highly recommend seeing a GP if you are interested in some therapy as GPs can give you a Mental Health Plan that entitles you to 10 (I think) free sessions with a psychologist. You also might be interested to talk to them about medication for anxiety if you think you would like to try that. Often therapy and medication work very effectively when used at the same time.

Anyway, that's probably enough to read. Please come back and keep in touch with us about how you are getting along.

All the best for now,

Lazykh