New Kid On The Block

[the_motorcycle_boy]

Hi,

I'm new to this forum. I am hoping it could be an outlet for me and perhaps I may be of some assistance to others. Depression first hit me when I was around 30 in the shape of a virus that wouldn't go away. Things worsened till I had a breakdown in 1991. I was diagnosed with Major Depression and Melancholia. I made a good recovery only to get sick again when I went off medication. Since then I have struggled with my illness but all the time believe I have been improving.

Anyway, that's my story in a nutshell. I sincerely wish everyone dealing with this illness the best for the future.

[Suzbj]

Hi Henry, Welcome to Beyond Blue forums. This is such a supportive site and you will get support and be able to give support also. I joined this forum towards the end of last year – December I think. I am so grateful for this forum and no longer feel alone or isolated or ‘the odd one out’. How are you feeling today? Cheers Suz 🙂

[Neil_1]

Hi Henry

I'd like to pop in and express my "Welcome" message to you also for joining Beyond Blue.  Suz has already chipped in with a lovely welcoming post to you and like Suz, pretty much all of us on this site who contribute to the forums are all facing our demons on a daily basis.

As Suz mentioned, this is just a brilliant site, where like-minded people can come to and air their issues, vent their frustrations or simply just tell their story.  And no matter what is written, the person is made to feel protected, cared for and above all else, is given 100% support.

Being people who suffer this awful illness, we understand these issues of mental health illnesses and are able to comment back, give advice when needed and again above all, be able to understand what the poster is writing about.

That was really pleasing to hear that with the appropriate treatment that you received the first time around that you were able to make a good recovery.  Not good to hear about the relapse after the meds were removed ... but it seems like that is being addressed again and as you say, you believe that you are improving.  That's great to read Henry.

I'm glad you've come here Henry and would definitely like to hear back from you whenever you feel ok to do so.

Kind regards

Neil

[the_motorcycle_boy]

Hi Suz,

 Thanks a lot for your warm welcome. It was very encouraging to hear that you have conquered your isolation etc. I am feeling pretty good today, have a few depressive symptoms like tiredness and flatness but it's not bad. I hope you are doing well. I must say that I do feel apart from others, from people and the community. I expect this will improve as I get better. Anyway, thanks for listening. and have a nice day. 

 Henry

[the_motorcycle_boy]

Hi Neil,

First of all let me thank you for welcoming me to BeyondBlue. I was surprised at just how welcoming and genuinely friendly your post was and I appreciate/d it very much. If at anytime you want or need assistance or anything, I'll try my best to help.

I thought I'd better write more about my depression, how it is today, so you and Suz and others will get to know my situation better.

Some of the things I'm experiencing now, include:

A lack of good feelings and a general feeling of flatness.

Lethargy at times and feeling tired.

Strong Irritability and anger here and there

An exaggerated fear of people. This is diminishing. It makes it hard for me to go out at times. I feel vulnerable and conspicuous like my faults or ? are on display.

An exaggerated fear of being evicted from my flat. I keep thinking over and over that I will be asked to leave when my lease runs out in 2 months time. There is no real evidence for my fears just a string of circumstantial events that "prove" to me that I am right.

An exaggerated fear of being alone. My flatmate is leaving in 2 months. Once again I automatically think the worst. I will be alone and won't be able to cope. I have very few friends and find it difficult to mix with people who are well. It seems I alienate people easily because of my illness (my lack of enthusiasm and alertness etc I guess, the black cloud over me) Recently, I lost a couple of close friends through misunderstandings made worse by my depressed state.

And lastly, an odd one perhaps. My head feels congested a lot as if it's full of cotton wool or something similar. Do others experience this? I rarely feel totally clear in the mind. Meds? illness? both? I'm not sure.

Well, I hope all that wasn't too negative, my situation is a lot better than it was 6 months ago and it is still improving so I am not complaining, much!

So Neil, I hope you're doing well. If you get the urge to reply, please write back whenever it suits.

All the Best
Henry

[Neil_1]

Hi Henry

Mate, thank you for your kind words and to Suz as well.  She's doing it really tough of late ... I guess we all are, but you know, even though none of us are qualified at all, we experience this awful illness and as such, I think anyone who deals with this illness day after day after day, is almost as good to speak to as someone who has a piece of paper in a frame and nailed to their wall.

And we do it for free!!!!  🙂  🙂  🙂

Henry, thanx so much for giving a more detailed rundown of what you're currently experiencing and oh wow, what you write, I can tick off most of those symptoms myself.

And you know, this is what depression does to us ... it talks us down and makes us feel shite and stresses us when really there's probably not all that much to be stressed about ... and that IS depression.

Henry, may I ask again, are you on meds again and are you seeing your GP on a reasonably regular basis and any signs for the introduction of a psych for you?

You do show signs of positiveness though, by not only coming here and posting (a definite good sign for reaching out for support and help) but also by listing out the issues that are affecting you.  To know what they are is a very good thing ... the tough bit comes with addressing them and beating them.  🙂

Again, I hope to hear back from you again Henry ... I reckon we can work through this and hopefully there'll be other members come on board soon to give their points of view as well.  Believe me, you don't just want me ... 🙂

Cheers

Neil

[the_motorcycle_boy]

Hi Neil,

Sorry to hear Suz is doing it so tough, I wish her the best. You're right it's great to talk to your peers, the doctors don't know about how things feel, like the effects of meds and depressive symptoms, not directly anyway. It's really good to be able to swap experiences etc with people who have felt the same. You can even have a laugh about things. Have you heard this one? What's the difference between God and a psychiatrist? Well God doesn't think he's a psychiatrist! Ha Ha!

Seriously though, to answer your query, I am seeing a psychiatrist every 3 months now and yes I am on meds, I am just having my mood stabiliser reduced to combat the lethargy, congestion etc that I mentioned in my last post. I also take an antidepressant, and a drug for side effects.

I agree with what you said that knowing what's wrong with you is half the battle, the rest is hard work, patience and a little luck too sometimes?

Well, I must say I am feeling in a better mood today and consequently the fears I was telling you about have somewhat abated. Time will tell I guess whether they stir again.

Thanks Neil for your continued support and encouragement. Look forward to your reply IF YOU SO DESIRE!


All the Best
Henry
      

[Neil_1]

Hi Henry

Good one ... re:  the psych and God ... hadn't heard that.  🙂

Seeing your psych every 3 mths, do you feel that works for you?  In that, that's a fair break between visits!  Thanx also for the breakdown of meds that you're on ... I hope that they are working for you ... and to be honest, I reckon they are;  I can sense a change in your mood, with how you're writing your posts now.

Having a good day when you wrote that post is brilliant.  Enjoy those, but just be wary of things cause it can come back to snap at you very quickly.

Also Henry, just run back through your earlier posts and just check to see if some of 'how you were feeling' is still there (yes it would be) but is it not as severe in some of the issues?  I know it's only been a few days and that's asking a lot, but I'd be interested to know.

Cheers

Neil

[the_motorcycle_boy]

Hi Neil,

Thanks for your reply. How are you? Good I hope.

I could talk to my psychiatrist more often but we've settled on every 3 months for the time being..I used to see him more often. I'm hoping  to get some things off my chest here but it takes time and that's ok.

From talking to you and by reading others' posts I think my people skills are improving and my confidence. My mood has also been up these past 2 days. It could be the meds kicking in or the reduction of my medication. Whatever, I feel pretty good and those fears I mentioned previously have diminished significantly. I suppose I'm waiting for the bubble to burst but maybe it won't. I'd have to laugh if my medication level has been causing me problems all along, it's never been addressed before it being the mainstay of my medication..

Anyway Neil, I think I need a good week to settle down from this change in medication. To see how I feel then. I am having a blood test next Tuesday to get my medication level. I hope it is still in the therapeutic range because I don't want to go back to what I was taking. I feel more normal on the lower dose.

Keep on keeping on.

Cheers

Henry

[the_motorcycle_boy]

I apologize to all readers for my last post. It was censored by BB for naming medication and it is therefore a bit hard to read. Oops!

Cheers

Henry