New here just a short introduction

[teook]

Hi just dropping in to introduce myself I have been struggling with depression on and off for most of my life, I am not really sure if it has ever gone away or whether I have just been in control for periods of time. This run would have to have be the hardest time I have had in a long time trying to get the dog behind me, and move forward.

A bit about me I'm racing close to fifty and doctors have suggested that my depression may have started as young as 16 I have worked in various jobs and my last psychiatrist even went as far as to say that nearly all my employment history has had me putting myself in high risk positions.

I will keep this short for now but will be looking around the boards and will post some questions when I work out how to phrase them in away that's not to confusing for me and readers

thanks in advance and keep up the good work

[geoff]

hello Teook, welcome to the site.
I'm sorry that your depression could have started when you were only 16 and now you're 50, well that's a long time which many of us know about.
To start off do you want to talk about your employment history and being in high risk, or just something about anything that comes to mind, please there is no need to feel under any pressure at all.
You're posted your first post and that's always the hardest deciding whether or not you want to talk about what is troubling you.
It's an anonymous site so no one knows who you are or what you look like, so just take your time. Geoff.

[teook]

thanks geoff, to start of my first real job was a scallop diver I did this for a year and half until we had an accident with a compressor and myself and the other dive got carbon monoxide poisoning we were both pulled from the water at the point of death, that finished my hopeful career when fully recovered I started working in service stations, only ever doing night and drag shifts, from there I moved in to vehicle air-conditioning, and had a successful career at that for 10 years until I developed a reaction to one of the oils used.

Next I moved into the Taxi industry again I only ever did the night shifts, a severe bout of depression put me out of work for 1 year and when I thought I was better I returned to the workforce as a courier driver, safe job I thought but in 5 years I new 6 drivers that had died from heart attacks on the road, long hours and the stress of running your own business isn't that fun, my depression returned worse than ever and my marriage started to break down, at my deepest I lost everything and everyone I loved. This was the worst time in my life and attempted suicide, I was found and revived, but never really could work out why I did it but it happened and I worked hard to overcome.

A few years later I met an old childhood sweetheart and we got together and was having a great life.

2 years ago I had a heart attack on the care flight to the city I went into cardiac arrest as we were about to land, according to the medics it took 15 minutes to revive me, from this point I have never felt complete strange as it sound I just don't feel like me anymore its like something is missing,I'm working hard to find me and the last phsyc I saw was probably the most annoying person that I have ever met so at the moment I'm just hunting for a new one that I can deal with.

Long read I know but its a short life story lol

[Kazzl]

Hi teook - just want to say welcome, and thank you for your lovely comment to Lana on another thread. It's great to have you with us, and we're here for you mate.

Kaz

[White_Rose]

Dear Teook

Wow that is some work history. Having those near death experiences sounds frightening. Yet you survived and here you are telling us your story. Welcome to Beyond Blue.

When I read other posts I often wonder if many of us manage a mild depression from our teenage years and only find it difficult as we get older and have more responsibilities.

I gather you have seen quite a number of GPs, psychologists and psychiatrists. Has anything changed in your life because of their treatment? You say you are in the process of changing psychiatrists because the person you now see irritates you. I wonder if you changed treating doctors very often and why. I stopped seeing a psychiatrist because he fell asleep while I was talking. It did great things for my self esteem, not.

There are some very good psychologists and psychiatrists around as well as some very ordinary folk. The trick of course, is to find a good one. Not sure where you live, as in town or country. I started to say I thought you came from the NT, but having found no reference to this I wonder why I had this thought. The reason I ask if you live in a town or in the country is your access to mental health practitioners. I know it is far more difficult when you live away from the city.

I am not surprised you feel different after being dead, I presume, for 15 minutes. It must be quite unnerving to wake up again to be told how long paramedics had worked on you. If I may ask, what did your last psychiatrist have to say about it?

You said you feel incomplete and not like yourself. Does it feel better or worse than in the past? Talking to someone about this and exploring the difference would be something I feel certain I would want in the same circumstances. If you scroll to the bottom of the page, under Get Support, click on Find a Professional. You can search for a psychiatrist if you have not already found someone.

Please keep writing.

Mary

[teook]

thanks Kaz and Mary

I live in a nice seaside town in country SA I moved here about 4 years ago with my partner to start a fresh new life, made numerous changes started to get fitter, gave up smoking and changed to a much healthier diet (no fast food around here lol) then had a heart attack funny how life tries to throw spanners at you isn't it.

I have a pretty good GP here who tries to help but yes resources are limited and its a 2 hour trip to Adelaide for specialist appointments,makes it very expensive when you factor in fuel on top of the ridiculous prices they charge.

The last psychiatrist I saw (the annoying one) just kept asking what was missing, well if I knew that I wouldn't be paying you $200 plus dollars an hour would I, and the only suggestion he gave was to breath, go outside, take a walk and hug a tree lol. He seemed to get offended when I queried whether I could pay him a real amount based on his actual usefulness.

So as for now I'm not seeing anyone apart from my GP at the moment we are actually looking at whether I do have depression or if I'm actually Bipolar, something that no one else has looked in to.

Strangely being dead was not what I thought it would be like no lights or tunnels lol I just went to sleep no pain nothing like the movies grabbing your chest and rolling around in pain, I just felt tired and went to sleep, next thing I knew was I had a heap of cracked ribs ( those guys are serious when they do CPR) and a couple of burns from the pads they use to shock you and a nurse trying to get me to sign some paperwork.

[White_Rose]

Hello Teook

I love your sense of humour. You said "He seemed to get offended when I queried whether I could pay him a real amount based on his actual usefulness." Love it.

Yes I have imagined what death would be like and from my observations it is like falling asleep. Filmmakers like to dress up all the bits they can make sensational. Not helpful and can be frightening I would think. The CPR also seems a bit unreal in films. As you say, broken or cracked ribs are the order of the day from paramedics. Maybe in the films it has something to do with actors not wanting cracked ribs?

Well of course you know what you did wrong, made your life too healthy and frightened your body almost to death. It does seem a bit unfair after you have made the effort to get healthy and then your heart spits the dummy.

The cost of medical treatment is high when you live so far the city or a large town. One of the drawbacks of living in such a huge country. well I wasn't far wrong about where you live. I just went north and you went south. Don't NT and SA meet somewhere?

I can understand the psych asking what was missing but it doesn't need a specialist doctor to realise if you knew the answer to that you would not be having the conversation. Ah well! It would be interesting to chase down the elusive missing bit of you. I wonder if it is the fear of dying. Most people have some concerns about death, but it would be reasonable to think that once this has happened and you came back, so to speak, there would be no need to be concerned. I think this makes sense to me so I hope it makes sense to you.

It would be interesting to get another opinion on a diagnosis for you. Will you go to a psychiatrist. I understand that clinical psychologists are also able to diagnose. Your GP would know this. It's good he can provide support for you.

Mary

[teook]

Yeah I have to have a sense of humor it keeps from yelling at people lol

Going to miss this site for a few days my partner's friend is taking me fishing, although its strange my car,fuel,and gear but she,s taking me fishing to give the good woman a break from my crap, it still feels funny that her best mate takes me away (but with the sex drive of a panda I'm not a risk lol), but seriously I think they plan it cause she's a nurse and if I get out of line mentally she will just lock me up in a padded room. That could even be what my Goddess is building while I'm away.

So keep well friends and will be back online in a few days

[teook]

Just a quick thought I did the K10 depression test and thought yahoo I scored 47 but then thought dam should be trying for lower not higher

[White_Rose]

What great posts Teook. It started my day, well the part after I get dressed, with a giggle. Nice one. Even better because I am getting my brain in order to go to my exercise class. Stupid really because I enjoy myself when I get there, exercising my jaw.

Is your dog a puppy? It's hard tell sometimes and this is not my area of expertise, as the experts say. What's his/her name?

Re the K10, we do tend to think a high score is good on anything, exams especially. Fancy being able to say I got top marks in my K10 test. I scored1.

Enjoy your trip. She is taking you because you need someone to direct your driving. Using your equipment is simply a coincidence.

Mary