Narcissistic abuse

[Too_many_narcissists]

Hi All

Just realised the man I divorced 4 yrs ago was a covert Narcissist. That means I suffered gas lighting, hoovering, passive aggression and Narcissistic rage.

Does any one else identify ?

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear, Too Many narcissists,

A warm welcome to our forums..

I’m sorry your spouse was a narcissist person...and you went through that...

Yes I do identify with what you have written...

Talk here whenever you feel up to it..

My kindest thoughts Dear Too Many narcissists..

Grandy..

[Too_many_narcissists]

Thanks for your reply Grandy.

Unffortunately I am in a deep shame spiral. Only 2 weeks ago did I realise that my ex was a Narcissist ! Podcasts and countless online articles have confirmed this. Our Marriage unravelled when he lacked the emotional support to sustain me through a cancer battle. Admittedly - following years of post cancer pain - I was not in a great place as the correct meds were being trialled- I was moody and depressed. But - I think I was also realizing what an emotiinal void of intimacy shared with my husband ! I also made a dreadful mistake when I messed up my Divorce Settlement. I should have got thousands more - but chickened out at pointing the finger at him re his lying $ disclosure !

We have adult children together.

One was employed as the apath against me - the empath. One of his close relatives was also pulled into this role ( apath)

My relationships with adult kids improved post Divorce. Thankfully ! I obviously can not reveal to them my Narc discovery ! I have told a trusted friend.

What is your story ?

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Too Many narcissists....

I’m so sorry that you developed cancer....and hope so much that you are in recovery...

My story starts really early in childhood..parents that didn’t care about me or loved me...and I experienced physical and sexual abuse in the household...

I eloped at 18 to my first bf who was caring towards me until those marriage papers were signed..then I became his property...He controlled everything in my life..clothes, food, friends....When I made a friend, he would try to seduce them...,after a couple of friends I had..I decided no more..

If I said no to his requests, I was met with physical abuse...sexual abuse, emotional abuse...I had 3 sons..raised 2 because my father in law and husband tricked me and forced into signing papers to foster my son out for a few months.,as we were living in the car, when I gave birth...they were adoption papers..After I signed the papers my father in law gave us a roof over our heads..We had my eldest with us in the car...he was only around 2 years or 3 years old...

I endured this life until my husband past from cancer 8 years ago...After he past my other 2 sons wanted nothing to do with me,,,as there life growing up was a living hell for them...,and blamed me...We have reconnected over the past 3-4 years.,which I’m grateful for...

My parents marriage was similar..so I honestly thought that is what marriage was all about...after my husband passed away..,I didn’t even know how to live..I knew nothing about looking after myself...I was like a small child all of a sudden left on their own to fend for myself..I was scared of everyone and everything..

I only first heard the word narcissist, after I joined these forums..,and with the help of the wonderful people here...started on my journey to how to live...I ended up with PTSD...was hospitalised 3 times for mental health..still being counselled by victims services...and starting to get my life back..Triggers are the worse thing I’m dealing with now...

Not a nice story...but I survived...and try to help others when I can and feel able to..

Kind thoughts lovely TMN..

Grandy..

[Too_many_narcissists]

Hi Grandy

You have definitely had a horrendous, tough lifetime of experiences.

I'm glad you have had reconnection with 2 sons.

Narcissistic abuse is truly traumatic. You are right re calling it PTSD. I only realized of my trauma when I was triggered - watching someone talk of their unfair Divorce Settlement on TV.

I was in a heightened state of worry over a health incident with my new partner.

I had a pyjamas day today. It felt like a rock bottom. I hope tomorrow I feel more on top of things.

I am so glad you are a true survivor. I hope resilience in both our journeys comes our way !

[Louisville100]

Yes, it is a shock when you research all the traits of a covert narcissist and realise this person exhibits  has 95% of those characteristics. One needs to read as much as one can to move forward... coz it aint easy !