Lost husband

[Lost25]

Howdy, Ive been with my wife for 17 years (married for 10), in this time we have had 2 beautiful kids (8 and 6), 8 year old is IVF which was a massive strain on us, but after 4 miscarriages he finally came, but 2 weeks in we find he has 2 holes in his heart and needs open heart surgery at 5 months of age ( weighed 5kg at 5 months) but he is all good now. Daughter was a surprise, not that i didn't want another but i was just shocked as i thought we couldn't have kids naturally, and to be honest i started to fall away, when my wife went into mother mode (which is completely natural) i started to feel a disconnected from her and started texting a female friend which then turned into inappropriate text and Facebook messages, i was headed over there to do what no one should do to there husband or wife, but for once i sat and thought about the consequences and what i thought was right and didn't go, with in the week my wife found all the Facebook messages and our life got turned upside down, but after numerous counseling sessions we sorted it out (or so i thought) . Now fast forward a few years and my wife and i would have petty arguments over the same thing, she wanted to feel loved and i thought i was doing that, and then she would back down until the next argument about the same thing. I couldn't see it but she was drifting, i guess i felt contempt that she would always be there and the arguments would pass.... But it got worse ... Ive always encouraged her do go out and have fun with her friends as i thought that's what she needed, which it was what she needed, then she struck up a good friendship with a bloke from her work which i was fine with, but things got weird about a month ago when she would carry her phone everywhere, always on it. Then i started getting suss about this bloke as they were having coffee ( which is innocent ), but as it turns out there were text messages going back and forth for a couple of months which then turned into inappropriate messages, which then turned into the worst possible scenario, them meeting up for sex (meant to mention that he is married with 3 kids). At this time i now nothing about the sex..

So this is how it all went down. She tells me last week that she is not sure if she loves me and shes not sure if she wants to be here, as i havnt shown her the things she has been asking for, i'm absolutely devastated as i couldn't see this coming and i could see my whole live flash before my eyes. Check next post

[PamelaR]

Hello Lost25 and welcome to Beyond Blue forums

17 years is a long time with some one isn't it. Then to have your life feel like it's turned upside down can cause anxiety and depression. It's a difficult place for you and your wife to be in.

Our community here is caring, friendly, supportive and non judgemental. I'm not a counsellor or health professional, just someone who has experience with mental illness.

That feeling of devastation that comes with the break down between two people is awful. Do you have anyone you can talk to? I know some people find it difficult to talk about their feelings, though, I always find it good to talk with a close family member or a trusted friend. It helps me a lot, especially when I'm hurting. My first marriage was very traumatic and at that time I found people to talk to. To help me through the pain I felt.

There are a number of support services available to, these include:

• RELATIONSHIPS Australia - 1300 364 277
• Beyond Blue Support Service 1300 224 636
• Lifeline 13 11 14

Do you have a doctor you see regularly? It might find it useful to make a appointment, a double one, to discuss how you're feeling and whether it might help to see a health professional, e.g. psychologist?

It's good you're reaching out here. Keep doing that - but only if you want to. No pressure for you to do anything you don't want to. You're not alone Lost25.

Kind regards

PamelaR

[quirkywords]

Hello lost25,

What a sad story. You both wanted children so much and tried so hard to have them . Having a sick child is very difficult snd draining. Then a second child that surprised you and you felt a disconnect and looked to another for comfort.

Now your wife is seeking support with another and you undersrandably feel devastated.

Pamela has given you suggestions.

Do you think the two of you might consider seeing counselling.

You have 17 years and 2 children , that is worth going to counselling for.

thanks for sharing your story,

Quirky