Lost and scared

[Walloon]

Hi all I’m new here just first time saying it out loud I think I’m suffering depression. I’m 39 year old mum to two kids 14 & 11. I’m married and work in childcare. I feel like I’m always alone and that nobody likes me. I have today been told that I bring tension into the room when I’m there at work. I tried to be myself and nobody liked it, I took a step back and still no good enough. How can I be me if nobody likes me. I feel like I have Nobu to talk to. I have people I know but no one who wants to be friends with me. My best friend is my daughter. My weekends are filled with therapy for my kids (both asd) or sport. I never have time to myself. I am Christian and look to god for support but I don’t know what else to do. Why should I have to change just for people to like me.

[Jasjit]

Hi Walloon,

Welcome to BeyondBlue online forums and thanks for reaching out and sharing your stories.

After reading your story, I completely agree with you 100% on the last statement that you have made on changing oneself just so other people can 'like' you. There is no need. Being yourself is the biggest gift!!

I have also had a similar experience! As I suffered from social and generalized anxiety, phobias throughout my childhood and adolescence, coming to Australia and adapting the culture was difficult. When I would go to school, I would literarily beg my classmates to be my friends!! I did not respect myself. I did not self-scare and lost my self-respect in midst of so said 'making friends' and being 'liked' by everyone around me at school. I guess I lost myself. So what I did, was after uni, I completely transformed my life by simply being myself and doing the things that I wanted to do! How? Practically? Well. I started eating clean (went whole foods plant-based diet), got into weight training, and did my fat loss transformation and incorporated yoga and meditational practices in my daily routine. I follow this routine every day!! Now I feel connected with my mind and body and you won't believe now other people get attracted to me. I guess that is because I am blissful within myself - I don't need the approval of others!

But as you mentioned you have not taken some time out for yourself, maybe try doing that for once a while. Maybe try doing something just for yourself - which can be anything at all!!

Please tell me more, how is your relationship with your partner? And what about work colleagues? Also, what makes you feel that you really need other people's approval or being liked?

Honestly, I wanted to be liked by my classmates because I never liked myself (this is what I have discovered after connecting my mind and my body). On that day onwards, I changed everything.

I would really like to help you out.

Talk to you soon.

[Walloon]

My relationship is ok we have been married 20 years. Work I don’t feel that I fit in anywhere. Time for myself never happens I have no support base. I have no friends just people I know. I have been told that my personality takes a bit to get used to and most don’t like it.

[Jasjit]

Wow!! 20 years is a long time!! Well done!! I guess both, of you and your partner, get along very well.

I know my papa and mama are married for more than 25 years!! Still, there are arguments but both of them know on how to tackle the obstacles that arise and still become one!!

So, having time for yourself is difficult as I can imagine you have said you are a full-time worker and have kids, and your weekend is very busy!! Maybe we could from now start focusing on ourselves. Like you said your personality is hard to get used to - is that a problem for you or for others? Please be really clear about this. If it is a problem for others, in what way is it? Is it that you are quiet and others ignore you? Which is completely fine. There is no problem at all in being quiet!! The problem is when you are going against your personality.

Tell me more about what makes you think that you don't fit in your workplace? What is it in the workplace that bothers you?

Talk to you soon.