Let me introduce myself

[JestersDespair]

Hi, I'm J.D.

I've recently been diagnosed with BPD; I didn't really take it seriously until my wife asked me to leave...and now I'm alone, missing her and our beautiful son.

I won't bore you with specifics...I was (am still) hard to be around at times. I took so much out on her, acted terribly, and, to top it off, blamed her.

I'm here because, for the first time in my life, I know exactly what I want, but I know I'll probably never get there.

I've had some low moments ( breaking up just before xmas is horrible at the best of times) and, at times, I think there's only one way out. I'm not going to; my boy needs me here and needs me healthy.

I love my family with all my heart; I miss them so much.

I'm medicated now, I'm in therapy, exercising, eating right; doing everything I need to do...but it's a daily struggle; particularly because I'm losing hope of ever being with them again.

I still see my boy regularly, and my wife is being so supportive...we love each other a great deal... but I'm not sure that's enough.

Thats all, I suppose...I guess, what I really need is to feel like I'm not alone...and reading some of these threads lets me know I'm not.

[Rabbit33]

Hi Jestersdespair,
I can assure you that you are definitely NOT alone! Just like almost every person who ever gets diagnosed with a mental health disorder, we get scared, we feel like we have failed but it's not true. We're just unique and just as special as the next person. It's great that you have reached out and that you are now seeking treatment and AMAZING work with the transformation by the way! Training, eating well. That all takes a lot of motivation and discipline, so you're already taking huge steps in the right direction.

Every relationship is different so it's hard to input too much on that but i'm sure you guys will work out what is best for your son, your wife and for yourself. it's great to hear that your wife is being so supportive and i think it's normal to feel like it's not enough. It's probably because you are still learning new things about yourself. So just take the time to work on your well-being, keep up the training, eating well and communicating with your loved ones. BPD is manageable and nothing to be ashamed of.

There is heaps of useful content on beyondblues website and links to external sources that may assist you. With the forums, couple of links below you may like to have a look at?

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/long-term-support-over-the-journey/bpd/page/6#qlO5a3HzvGGEbv8AAOnT_A

and this next one actually has additional links to other forums dealing with BPD.

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/welcome-and-orientation/borderline-personality-disorder-DE83128B6FAC#qiC_YHHzvGGEbv8AAOnT_A

I hope this helps and feel free to reach out or continue on this thread for any support.

Best of luck, you're doing great! 🙂

[JestersDespair]

Thanks so much, Rabbit33.

It is hard, but made easier by people like yourself.

I'd like to take credit for my 'transformation' but I really don't think I can...it's my son (and, honestly, the faith my wife shows in me)...they're all I see when I don't have the motivation to keep moving.

J.D.

[Rabbit33]

You're welcome JD,

That is very sweet to hear. It's clear that you love them both very deeply!

I think that you also need to give yourself a little credit though. It's you that is making these improvements, you are the one deciding to make a change and become a healthier person for your son, your wife and for yourself! You have taken big steps in seeking help, treatment and changing your regime. Acknowledged where error was and put a plan in action for a better and healthier future! I think that is awesome!
Actions speak louder than words and it seems you have both heading in the right direction.

Best of luck! You've got this 🙂

[JestersDespair]

Again, Thank you 👍