Dear In Limbo~
I'll join Sophie_M in giving you a welcome here, it can be as permanent as you like, though I'll say up front it lasts if you build the relationships, somethng you have had a lot of bad luck with.
I guess that means having a read around and maybe poping in somebody else's thread if you felt like it, even if only to compare unhappy expeeinces.
No I'm not in the slightest surprised you are very wary of relationships now. Frankly, even without depression and anxiety and trying to kill yourself that fear seems pretty well founded -you have seen part of the worst other people have to offer. As for anger and bitterness, of course.
This place is a bit different, for a start just about everyone here has had grief and pain in their lives, and that changes a lot of peple, making them more tolerant, more understanding and most importantly willing to give.
So what can be given in a text based environment where one has to wait for replies? I guess companionship, sometimes humor, sometimes ideas, and as you say yourself a dash of hope.
I'm a bit like you in some ways, depression, anxiety, suicidal activity, plus joined a disciplined body, the police. Got invalided out. If you had told me then there was hope I would have laughed or simply walked away.
Still, eventually studied (not psych thogh) and then taught. Life did improve. I never had back luck with people, but got financially cleaned out when my wife died young after 9 months in hospital.
No drink or drugs though , just the cigarettes kept me broke for while. It got better, the hospital said pay when you can, and I improved. I had a good psychiatrist, paid for by the police, and that helped a lot. Then I remarried, the best thing I ever did.
So I guess I had the better deal, but can relate to part of yours.
Would you like to say how you found the military?
Croix
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