Jess, 28,

[dreamer28]

I haven't read any threads here so not sure how people go about this. I'm 28, diagnosed ADHD at 25 and have had mixed emotions as I slowly begin to understand what I am. A possibly new diagnosis is BPD, I have done some research and almost every part of it resonates with me. Mostly my behaviour and approach in relationships.. as I do research, I feel less and less hopeful about possibly getting better and recovering. I have had bouts this past fortnight of just wanting to make everything stop. Part of me is well aware that NOTHING is wrong.. (yes, there are serious family issues hence possible PTSD) but I am intellectually aware that my life isn't actually that bad..... my level of intelligence is fine, people may say that I am attractive? I am fun, funny, have many interests, speak a second language, enjoy travelling and have a lot of love inside of me (just not for myself) and overall, probably not a boring person. In fact, some people think that I'm really cool and want to send time with me. But what do I believe? Well, my brain tells me that I'm a piece of crap, I'm worthless and that I of course will always be abandoned because they will eventually see what I "know" about myself. I am struggling.

[geoff]

Hello Dreamer, I'm sorry no one has replied back to you, my apologies.

I am so very sad to hear what you think you may have, but in turn, you have many good aspects to what you can do, plus you are attractive, all of these are great and you have the potential of doing well in life.

One thing is that people look on Dr.Google to try and find out what condition they may have and then follow through with the medication their doctor may give them, however, all the medical manufacturers have to list every side-effect that you may get, it doesn't mean you won't have any of them and you may have them for a short time only.

The best way to know what you have got is to go to your doctor who can then diagnose you and then prescribe medication if needed, that's why Dr.Google can make you come to a conclusion which might not be true.

I must admit I do look at Dr. Google but take what they say as not being what I could have, in other words, take it as a grain of salt.

Hope to hear back from you, and again I'm so sorry for being late in replying back to you.

Geoff.

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi Jess / dreamer28,

Thanks for your post and sharing what's going on; I'm really sorry that you're struggling and glad that you're here.

It sounds pretty overwhelming, trying to understand these diagnoses and yet feeling defeated and crap about yourself.

Learning about BPD can kind of be a blessing and a curse - on one hand, there's this sense of 'that adds up', 'that's totally me', and on the other hand all we see are articles and difficulties in relationships. I'm yet to find any hopeful websites for BPD's and relationships even though there's no doubt there can be many healthy ones.

You said that you're a piece of crap, worthless and will always be abandoned, and it sounds like you're so sure that these are true. Especially when you said "they'll see what you know about yourself". But these are all just thoughts, and probably ones that you've told yourself so much you see them as facts. In reality though, nobody I know is crap, worthless and abandoned and I know you're not going to be the first.

What are the other great things about you? You mentioned a couple - do you believe them?

I'm not sure how helpful this is. Maybe if there's one thing you can take away know that thoughts about ourselves aren't always facts, and that recovery is always always possible.

[drumon]

Have you tied finding a guy to help you, someone who may not have a lot to live for themselves, then you can sort of brighten each other's days...