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Hi, I am a middle-aged 60+ gay woman. I have lived with dysthymia, anxiety, and PTSD for most of my life. I have recently broken up a 31-year relationship with a wonderful woman, because I feel we have drifted apart, we are living separate lives and no longer have the close and loving relationship we had as younger people. I am feeling a bit lost. We are still living together as neither of us can afford to rent and even selling up our shared home is problematic and in the uncertain housing market, i don't hold much hope of finding a unit I could afford by myself and I am not a fit person to live with anyone else. I have very few friends, as I am an introvert and don't tend to socialise face to face, I feel most comfortable with online friends and this type of format. I have many pets, birds, dogs, cats, poultry, and I clean people's houses to make money to support us all. I was retired but went back to work when my superannuation ran out. Anyway not much else I can say for now, thanks for reading. Cheers Lee
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Hi Flashfire,
A very warm welcome and thank you for introducing yourself here. You have come to the right place.
Experiencing a break up of a relationship after over 31 together - this must have been pretty difficult. I truly feel for you.
It sounds like you have a beautiful circle of very few but good friends, including animals (aren't they the best and most gentle of friends?). Obviously, it depends on the person but I also prefer to have a few truly good friends. Reliable and with whom, we can skip the "small talk" and be ourselves. I am not big on "big crowds".
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Thanks for the hello, I have a very few good friends who are all a bit shell shocked at present due to the break up of our relationship as a lot of people viewed us as the perfect couple, so in sync with each other, so caring and obviously devoted to one another. But sadly behind closed doors and all that. But my animals are all I really have to rely on for comfort and companionship. My partner and I live on acreage and its not just a case of slipping next door to the neighbours. A little bit isolating. I dread telling my best friend my partner and I have broken up, its going to be hard. Anyway, hoping to get some additional insights and learn some coping skills through this medium
Cheers Lee
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Hello Lee, you don't give yourself enough credit bercause it's not easy to remain in a relationship after a long time, people change along the way as does their likes and dislikes and when this happens people tend to drift apart.
To make friends at your age may not be easy but certainly achievable and may be done with all the animals/pets you have.
Are you able or is she able to buy the half share or is it much easier to just sell the property, not a comfortable decision to deal with at the moment, but moving to the country may be more beneficial especially as you have all these pets, and to earn somee money, councils need workers to clean houses/flats on a weekly basis.
Geoff.
Life Member.
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Hi Lee,
Thank you for your response.
I have to agree with Geoff and take my hat off to you and your ex-partner for still being able to share accommodation after a breakup. I am not in a position to tell if this helps or makes things worse, but I truly admire couples who are able to do it. I realise life and financial situation sometimes plays a big role, however, still, this takes a lot of strength as I imagine compromising in such circumstances might be challenging.
Take your time spreading the word. This is your life and your most private situation we are talking about. You don't have to do/say anything if you don't feel like it. Or mention just the basics, and you can add that you just don't feel like talking about this atm. A true friend might be surprised but also will definitely understand where you are coming from. With time you might start to feel a bit more comfortable in sharing but I wouldn't encourage you to say anything that you are not comfortable with. It might be simply too painful.
What are your main concerns when you say "I dread telling my best friend my partner and I have broken up"
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Hi Geoff, No, fact is when we built our house there was a problem with the builder, I think his name was Jerry, anyway half way through he went broke and we had to get another builder to finish who refused to sign off on our certification, technically our house is illegal without the certification but it never worried us but to sell the house, we have to come up with money to get it certified. We don't want to sell it, and neither of us could afford to take out the loan to buy the other out. I think we can live here together but apart as long as we stick by our ground rules and dont cross each other's boundaries. We both prefer living in the country, I would go even more remote, like Central Queensland if I could. I don't like cities, or suburbia and I get plenty of work cleaning, lots of rich people live in the country. Hobby farmers and the like. So work is no problem at all.
Cheers Lee
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i dread telling my best friend we broke up, because she has always held us up as the example of the perfect couple, when her own marriage broke down, she always said that if ever mine broke up, it would be worse than the end of the world and I would always say, "it will never happen, we will be together forever." Thats why I dread telling her, even though I know she would understand, its sort of like admitting defeat, that the relationship that was meant to last a lifetime, failed and it's mostly my fault. I need to move on from that I know but I can't help but think most of this is my doing and I need to come to terms with that.
Cheers Lee
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Sophie M
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Hi Lee,
Thank you kindly for your response.
When unfortunate things happen in our lives we sometimes tend to lean towards self-blame, self-criticism, and perhaps even some not-so-great self-talk. Others will operate differently and might try to blame other people but themselves. One way or another, we are trying to deal with the given situation, however unhelpful this approach might be.
Obviously, you know Lee the story of your relationship and how it all went but I think it would be good for you to keep in mind that any relationship is two way traffic. It takes two people to chip in and work on a compromise. And sometimes, this can mean a lot of hard work. At the end of the day, we have these two people, coming from two upbringings, often completely different, hence, working on a compromise is two way traffic.
Take care there and give your fury friends some extra cuddles from me.
