Hello Everyone
Firstly, I want to say I appreciate what the people on this forum do. I've lurked in the last few months when I’ve felt particularly low, and it’s been very reassuring that there is a supportive community that takes the time to read and address each thread.
Secondly, I guess I just want to share my story, get some outside perspective, even find someone who can relate. My social circle is small and I seem to find reasons that prevent me from talking. Conversationally, I believe I’m fairly open and there aren’t any taboo topics. I’m happy to answer any questions, I’m just not great at sharing unprompted.
Thirdly (for context, I suppose), I’m in my late 20s, cis-male, I identify as pansexual and polyamourous. I’m on medication for depression, and until recently was seeing a therapist (they moved). I’ve been in a long term relationship, which despite bumps in the road, continues to be a major support. After almost 9 years, we’re both still in love and still committed to each other. Our relationship has changed shape in the last few months (at my request), as I realised I had become very co-dependant and was not coping.
I’m in constant conflict about how to feel about myself and my issues; on an almost daily basis, it seems to flick between “This is pathetic, everyone has their own stuff to deal with and this is just mine, so get on with it and stop complaining” to “I’ve had a tough time of it, I should take it easy on yourself”. I've also been conflicted over my misuse of marijuana, this is something my therapist was aware of.
I have an almost invisible genetic condition that impacts my day-to-day life for most of the year. It effectively means that I don’t sweat, which impacts my ability to exercise, as a simple 30 minute walk on a 20C day will cause extreme discomfort. It also causes major issues with my ability to function during summer. This is a symptom that I’ve been unable to push through. Another symptom of this condition means I only have 1/3rd of my teeth, so I have worn an upper and lower denture since early childhood.
I don’t know where to stop, but this feels like.. “Enough” for now (also, word limit!). Currently, I’m struggling to get up in the mornings, and it feels like a challenge to go to work. There are just so many areas of my life that I’m not happy with, and it feels like taking a step forward in one area means two steps back in another.
Thanks for reading.
Isaac
