Introducing myself- KYLE67

KYLE67 · ‎17-07-2017

Hi everyone. I have recently turned 50 and have suffered from depression for as long as I can remember. I have used medication in the past but not for many years, I just feel too numb and I don't think it really helps. I am not sure exactly why I feel so low right now- a recent milestone birthday? The twelve month anniversary of being retrenched (still no job)? But maybe because I feel so alone. I am gay and single- its not a secret or anything and I have had significant relationships in the past- although the last was 10 years ago and the guy screwed around on me and caught HIV without telling me. I just feel kind of abandoned right now- of the few friends I have most forgot my 50th birthday (I never reminded them so maybe my fault) and most of my family who live interstate sent a text only on the day. I am a pretty sensitive person and usually go out of my way to make these type of occasions important for others - but i just feel forgotten and alone. I have been isolating myself a lot in the last month- tend not to ring anyone and spend most of the day alone. When I do go out like I did on Friday night I felt the friends I were with were condescending and uppity. But maybe its me. I think maybe its a combinations of things. I am trying to get myself motivated to do things but most of the last week I have been lying around watching TV. I do go to the gym regularly and mostly three times a week- I also have a great house overlooking the sea and have better financial circumstances than most. So I try to tell myself I have a lot to be grateful about. However most of my interaction with other seems to be based 99% on them and they don't seem to care much whet is happening to me. But this is nothing new in a way, and I must admit I often keep all these feelings to myself. Whenever I have opened up to a few people I have been judged and they seem to not want to know or help. I understand there is support out there and to some degree its up to me. Not sure where I go from here but open to suggestions......

BballJ · ‎17-07-2017

Hi KYLE67,

Firstly, welcome to the forums.

I will start by saying Happy Birthday and congratulation on turning the big 50, great milestone. I am however sorry to read what you have been going through.. I would start by asking you regarding the depression, had you ever seen a psychologist or have you just been using meds to help, I understand you have stopped them but just gauging where you are at with your treatment of depression.

It is good that you recognise your positives being the nice house and in a comfortable financial position but also understanding your emotional state is just as important, I think having the awareness will help lead to a good recovery from the depression. I think you will find these forums helpful as it is a great community full of great people who just want to help each other which in turn will help with finding support for yourself. It isn't easy starting a thread about yourself so be proud that you did and got your story out there.

I understand the spot you are in as well where you feel you do everything for others and the favour isn't returned, that is never easy for anyone, have you managed to confide about your feelings to any family members or close friends at all, having a good support network helps but it doesn't have to be big, just having one person can help a lot.

Please remember you can also call the Beyond Blue helpline on 1300 22 4636 24/7 to discuss anything you are going through.

My best for you,

Jay

solabear · ‎17-07-2017

Hi KYLE67, I just want to say welcome and it's great that you joined the forum.

Great reply from Jay, however I just want to add that not all AD is the same. Some works and makes a different and some doesn't work. I think it's worth trying a different one, maybe try a psychiatrist instead of a GP. Psychiatrists are a more cluey than GP's when it comes to meds.

I hope to see you around and I hope you find the forums helpful.

Hugs from Sola

KYLE67 · ‎18-07-2017

Thanks Jay, I appreciate the advice. Yes I have tried counselling before both psychologists and psychiatrists- but not for a long time. And I have tried a few different types of anti depressants as well. I think the one thing I found in common was just feeling foggy and just OK. Obviously I understand I need to work on the root of any issue or problem and not just expect a pill to cure me. I agree having someone to confide in would be helpful. Its sort of slim pickings these days but I will try.

KYLE67 · ‎18-07-2017

Thank Sola

I think its worth considering meds if things don't improve. I think I also need to force myself to be more social and maybe meet new people too- I appreciate the welcome and advice. Its helped a bit tonight.....

BballJ · ‎18-07-2017

Hi KYLE67,

That is what these forums are exactly for, a place you can vent and let your feelings be known in a safe non-judgemental environment. We are here to talk when you need too and that is all this community is about, support. I can only recommend maybe going back and seeing a psychologist, times have changed so you never know what you might find by doing so, you have everything to gain by doing it in my opinion.

My best,

Jay

solabear · ‎18-07-2017

I'm glad I was a bit helpful.....keep us posted about how you going. I'm here to listen and have a chat.