If life was a game i would have reset or turned off the console already.

[Scott_Brissy]

Not sure what to write, so will just summarise my interpratation of the problem.

Four years ago at the age of 26, I moved to Australia with my partner, with high hopes for the future, but all those hope and the advantages I once had have burnt away. Now with the oasis of plans, ideas and hope I once had a barren desert, I have no idea what to do any more, with each passing day of feel increasingly closer to a point of no return. If life was a game i would have reset or turned off the console a while ago; now I feel like im waiting for life to do it for me.

From being natural fiercely independent when I moved here; having grown up always feeling a little isolated, growing up; bi, dyslexic and a little on the autistic spectrum, all of which forced me to be reliant on myself as communicating my need to others always seemed the harder of the two options. I now feel I’ve completely lost who I once was.

Having not been able to secure a job for the past 4 years, I feel like my once promising career prospects are now in tatters. As my personal savings burnt away I became entirely dependent on my partner, (who although I’m entirely grateful for having in my life) I now feel both trapped with, and internally humiliated by the position I’ve let my self-end up in, especially when hanging out with friends, as when people by drinks or other things that cost money my only option is to look towards him for ‘permission’. I now dread the idea of hanging out with other people and actively avoid it where I can.

I feel completely ashamed of how my life has turned out; despite having privilege and opportunity others did not, I’ve somehow made an entire mess of my life. I both long to be numb to reality on a daily basis by getting absorbed into inane or pointlessly stressful activate (nothing terrible or too self-destructive, just nothing that helps though), or getting completely lost in overly dramatic or dangerous games that put my relationship and other things at risk; just to provide some contrast to the aching sense that everything is messed and I no long no how to fix it.

I’m not entirely sure what I’m hoping for by posting this here, but as every other ‘light at the end of the tunnel’ goes dark…. my think is ‘why not give this ago’.

Kind Regards to all that read this post,

Scott

[therising]

Hi Scott, glad you did give this a go.

I can appreciate the analogy 'If life was a game...' I have a couple of PlayStation enthusiasts in the house and have actually witnessed my husband throw the controller in complete frustration (a very rare event I must say, as a controller is apparently a sacred object of sorts :)).

Facing a seriously tough kinda game that we thought would be much easier to play, having the controls reversed on the controller (just to increase the difficulty), having things glitch out here and there, on top of the internet dropping out occasionally, would be enough to have us contemplate giving up playing altogether. Life can present with just as many overwhelming challenges. It's just not meant to be this hard!!! Complications can definitely take the fun out of everything. We can even be left asking 'What the hell's the point in playing?!'

Whether dealing with the hardware and/or software aspects of any device, it pays to have someone who knows how to best work the system. The brain's the same: be it the hardware or the software (the mental program/s installed), there are so many elements which the experts can help with. Wondering if you've considered speaking with your GP in order to get a mental health referral. That computer up there in our head is a seriously complex system, more so than what we imagine.

Scott, if you've ever been stuck with a game and thought, for example, 'I'm never going to improve my reaction time' or 'Why can't I get past this level?', turning to online tips from experts would have made a big difference I imagine. Turning to experts is often a wise move in any area of life, when we're looking to change our strategy and ability.

Of course, life is not as simple as pushing the reset button and starting over but the idea that we can keep playing under seemingly impossible circumstances, without the best guidance, will produce the same result. Whether it involves a console or life itself, without guidance and the best possible tips, we face ongoing frustration with little sense of achievement whilst we're left feeling stuck, on the verge of screaming.

Take care Scott and consider giving thought to seeking out some expert help

[Doolhof]

Hi Scott,

Therising has written you a wonderful reply which totally relates to the heading you chose and your situation.

I too welcome you to the community here on the forum.

It can be difficult when our hopes, dreams, desires and plans are messed up one way or another and we feel like the rug has been ripped out from underneath us.

Sometimes we need to find new dreams. We need to find little things we can achieve each day to feel better about ourselves.

Have you been able to have an open and honest discussion with your partner about how you are feeling? It is not easy to be dependent on another person. It can be both humiliating at times and a blessing as well.

Is it possible for you to do some volunteer work to help with your self esteem and to give you a place to go. This can help you with a sense of purpose and feeling like life has meaning. This may not suit you but could be an option.

I've volunteered in a lot of places ranging from The Country Fire Service, Riding for the Disabled and in Aged Care. You may be surprised about the opportunities that are out there.

A lack of money can be a huge issue. I hope yo find ways to still be social and cope with this!

Regards from Dools