I need advice

[Grifta]

Hey , so my girlfriend got upset with me because she feels I was criticising her , she has alot of family over at the moment and I felt a bit neglected when I went to bed at 3:am and no idea what time she came to bed , I had foolishly assumed that because she wanted me to stay that night we would spend the following day together which wasn't the case , I told her how I felt and now she is upset with me and told me she needs a few days of space .

I love her so much and she says she is inlove with me but I don't see how someone inlove could so this to their significant other .

I can't help but feel hopeless and I'm full of anxiety , I know I'm have control issues but right now I'm scared of losing the woman I love because I used the wrong words .

Please help? I feel like the walls are closing in and pushing up on my chest .

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

Well the main issue here in "I have control issues". Admitting you faults is a great first step towards a remedy so well done there.

I'd like to freely comment on some things.

• Your partner enjoying her family doesn't mean she has had a gap in her love for you
• Your love for her should extend to giving her what she finds enjoyable eg spending time with family
• You can't love her excessively but you can allow your feelings (jealousy, possessiveness etc) to throw a spanner in the works. Such instability will create pressure between you both which can push her away

The end effect of this sort of problem can whittle away at a loving relationship. So, I have a few ideas-

• Seek couples counselling, you won't regret it
• Tell your partner your love is so strong it overflows and has consequences
• Leave her to enjoy her family and then find an interest to divert your attention (music, games, hobby, sport)
• Try to think happily that she is happy. Put her happiness over and above your own feelings. Her happiness is even more important than yours.
• Your fear of losing her causes your anxiety in turn threatens the home stability that results in possibly losing her. That cycle you must stop.
• My guess is that you could improve in time as this is an issue common with young adults.
• Google: beyondblue topic relationship strife- the peace pipe Its a good process during conflict. Both of you can try it

Again, thanks for being honest.

TonyWK

[blondguy]

Hi Grifta

Thankyou for being a part of the forum family 🙂

Sometimes we have to provide our girlfriend/partner with some 'space' so they can continue their own lives while we are a part of their life. Being understanding to our partners individual needs is a solid foundation for a long term relationship . This can be hard to do when we are young and in love yet vital where building a long term relationship is concerned

TonyWK has mentioned some invaluable advice in his post above...

you are not alone Grifta

Thankyou for speaking from the heart...Nice1

Paul

[Grifta]

Thankyou , this really helps

[geoff]

Hello Grifta, when we love somebody we can't make every comment to them that you both agree on, but this doesn't mean the love between the two of you has gone, there are times when we still want to be alone to gather our thoughts and rest.

If she is upset with you, I'm sorry this has happened, but won't this make you more determined to regain that love.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

[Sophia16]

Hi Grifta,

Welcome to the Beyond Blue forums and thank you for being open here. It sounds like you are feeling neglected and helpless. Your feelings are valid. I can also see that your girlfriend isn't understanding your feelings. Have you spoken to her about how you feel about the situation?

I am sure if she really loves you, she will not leave you because of that situation. There was just some miscommunication that needs to be mended.

Stay safe and i am always here to chat.