I'm new.

[Biscuits]

Hey all.

I'm Cam, im from perth. Been suffering from depression on and off since I was 14 I'm 25 now.

Just joint the forums after a few rough weeks.

For the past year my depression has been the worst it's ever been and iv given up on it so many times. Iv been suggested and prescribed meds but I refuse to take them as I like to live life as drug free as possible.

I have a super loving partner and we have been trying for a kid for over a year now with no luck.

I see a phyc once every 3 weeks. She is good but sometimes I feel she is too nice to me.

The biggest bombshell to happen in the last 2 weeks has been the realisation that I'm a narcissist. It effected my relationship to almost breaking point several times and iv lost every friend iv had.

My partner has been telling me for some time now but being quite a narrow minded individual I shrugged it off.

I'm not really sure where to start or where to post to get help with my narcissism. As I belive it's thr root cause of my current depressed and sometimes anxious state.

Kind regards

Cam

[geoff]

hi Cam,thanks for posting your comment and welcome to the site.
Some people do want to be drug free, but sometimes we get to the stage where we aren't able to help ourselves so the depression takes hold and then has every bit of control over you,where you aren't able to even begin to get better, so what this means that it's a real struggle for you,I don't believe anyone can overcome depression by themselves and this also includes narcissism.
As much as you don't want to take any medication, can I suggest that you try it first, and it would mean being on them for at least 8 weeks.
Every psych has their own way of how they communicate with their patients, especially a psychiatrist compared to a psychologist.
Can I also say that that when we become depressed most of our friends do leave us because they don't know what to say or how to help us, plus it can put a huge strain on our spouse/partner, especially if you don't want to do what your doctor/psych has said. Geoff.

[Biscuits]

Thanks for the reply Geoff.

The main reason I don't want to take medication is my partner used to take them and she said they are horrible and addictive. My phychologist said it's my choice and I don't have to take them.

I have a appointment with my shrink today so i will see how that goes in the meantime.

I really need to get on top of this. It's no longer daunting as iv been trying for so long. I can see my partner slowly pushing herself away from me as I feel I'm making her depressed again.

Cant wait till I can get back on my feet.

THanks again

Cam

[JessF]

Hello Cam, what a fascinating first post! There are a lot of posts in here from people who believe they have husbands, wives, family memebrs who are narcissists but I don't think I've ever seen a post from someone who believes themselves to be one. In fact, I thought one of the defining traits of a narcissist was that, if you believed you were one, then that proved you weren't. What makes you think you are a narcissist?

[White_Rose]

Hello Cam

Welcome to Beyond Blue. I have so many feelings about taking medication. Some days I say it's OK and other days I want to be strong enough to manage without. And this has been compounded by experiencing some horrid side effects. In what way does your partner feel the meds are horrible? There are so many antidepressants on the market that I am sure your psychiatrist will find one to suit you. Rarely are they addictive so I wonder what your partner was taking. You cannot mention the names of meds on BB but I wonder if she was taking a sedative. These can be addictive and at one time were prescribed almost like sweets to manage depression.

Geoff is right about coping with depression. Rarely does anyone get out of jail free. Medication does not cure you. It's not like taking an antibiotic to clear up an infection. Antidepressants help your body and mind to settle down and allow you to work on those areas of you life that need attention. It is your choice in the end but I am disappointed with your psychologist not explaining to you how they work. This is a conversation you need to have with your psychiatrist, to talk about how they work, how you will feel and if they are working. One size does not fit all and prescribing ADs can be a bit hit and miss. If you take ADs then keep a note about how you feel. They will start to work slowly and it will be several weeks before you start to notice the effect. It can take up to six weeks for the total effect to kick in.

Hope I have not put you off. By the way, if you know what meds your partner was taking I suggest to mention this to your psychiatrist and ask about the side effects.

I am also curious how you came to the conclusion you are a narcissist. As Jess has said, you are the first person to give yourself that title that I know of. I've had several narcissists in my life so I wonder why you appear different to them. As k your psychiatrist for his/her opinion.

Love to hear from you again.

Mary

[Biscuits]

Wow. Thanks everyone.

So I'll get straight to the story on the Narcissist front.

So my whole life my mother has been controlling, not compassionate and everything had always been her her her even now.... my partner is very open and honest and when she met my mother she straight away knew she was a narcissist. Now my partner and I have been going out for a number of years now and she has noticed especially lately that iv been very narcissistic towards her and others. I shrugged it off mainly because I didn't know what she was talking about. I thought she was being over dramatic and being picky. It wasn't untill recently when I started researching it when i came to the conclusion that I have pretty much every single trait that has anything to do with it. I have come to terms that it's an issue and I don't want to be a horrible self centred person.

I also don't want to use it as an excuse. Which I had been doing when I found out I had narcissist traits.

I'm currently waiting for my appointment with my phychologist. Going to talk to her about the meds and possible ways to deal with narcissism.

It's a crazy unpredictable world these minds of ours are....

If the phyc wants me to take them ill take the 8 week script iv been given and see what happens I guess. I don't really have many highs in life atm so I guess it can't taper them off as iv heard they can do.

My partner was on anti anxiety meds not sure if they are the same as mine but she didn't like the feelings she got from them. She said it helped with theropy but she got as many results out without thr pills and we both don't particularly like pharmaceutical companies.

Cheers

Cam

[Shred1106]

Hi Biscuit

Welcome - can I just say that you've actually taken a huge step towards getting help by posting here. I just want to assure you that some of the newer antidepressants have fewer side effects and work well.

I have had depression for almost 20 years but last year had a major relapse and added PTSD and Anxiety for good measure. I know that the only way I am still here is as a result of a good team of people around me GP, psychologist and psychiatrist and a few solid friends. However, it often takes 6-8 weeks of these meds even working so i would allow a little more time, I know I hate taking meds myself but, to tell you the truth I wouldn't be here still without the whole lot working together.

Be kind to yourself - labels are just that, labels! hah I am what they call Treatment Resistant Depressive. A day and a step at a time.Just know you are not alone.Therapy is designed to assist you in realigning your own thoughts about yourself - so take your time..and we are here for you..

Take care

[Biscuits]

Well iv started taking the antidepressants after my latest phych appointment. I feel it's the best way forward to recovery. My pharmacist was amazing at giving me hints and tips regarding it's use and it's made me not feel embarrassed about taking them.

As for for narcissist subject.

My phychologist said that I am definitely not a narcissist. She said you may have 1 or 2 signs of a narcissist but I am by no means one. She said that if I'm still really unsure she will arrange for me to meet one haha I belived her after that!

Alls well on the mental sides of things atm. I go to france on a holiday in 2 weeks time which is exciting and frightning. Bon voyage as they say!