I'm new to this but i wanted to reach out ..

[Roulablades]

Hi my name is Roula and I suffer from really bad depression and anxiety. I absolutely hate it as I feel that as I'm getting older its getting worse or is it that I'm not noticing it more and not just pushing it down and bottling it up..

I've seen a couple of physiatrists asking for a diagnosis and maybe some proper medication to help but I haven't had much luck, the most I got was I have adjustment personality disorder.. which isn't really much to go by..

I was abused a lot as a child, was groomed by a teacher in school, developed really early and have had a handful of failed relationships.

NOW I know there are people out there that have it a lot worse then me and I don't want to sound like a victim .. I just want to know how do you guys get your self out of bed and be motivated to do things during the day, be actually happy like really happy without just hiding behind a smile.. how do you sleep at night when your anxiety keeps you up all night..

I've always been seen as that bubbly loud possibly adhd, possibly autistic funny girl that suffers from really bad mental health but lucky I don't self hard anymore and I don't want to die ..

I just want it to stop sometimes..

😞

Sorry and thank you again for letting me blurt this all out.. maybe I should start writing another diary?

I was seeing a GREAT phycologist from being in an armed robbery under victims comp but now I cant seem to find anyone..

Is it just me or is it really hard to get into seeing anyone during the pandemic? also has anyone tried CBT?

I've been told that would be best for me but I don't know where to start..

I was recently emitted into ED for mental health but I know the poor hospital doesn't really have room for someone that isn't a threat to themselves or other people I just get so angry sometimes I want punch tings and hurt myself.. like an outlet of self harming without cutting..

How do you guys do it?

Roula xx

thank you x

[Sophie_M]

Hi Roulablades,

We are so sorry to hear about what you're going through; it sounds like it has been tough. Thank you for being part of our forums, it takes a lot of courage and strength to reach out for support and we are so glad that you have done so. We hope that you can get some support here, the community will be here to listen and chat with you. You can also reach out to Beyond Blue 1300 22 4636 or Lifeline 13 11 14. We encourage you to speak to your GP as they can help connect you with a psychologist.

​​​​​​​In the event that you are feeling like hurting yourself, it is important that you take immediate steps and call 000 (triple zero).
 

[Doolhof]

Hi Roula,

Welcome to the community here on the forum. I'd like to thank you for sharing your experiences with us all. Life can be tough, some days can be horrid and difficult to get through. It can be a struggle to lie in bed and wonder how you are going to get through the day.

Recently I have felt down right miserable and very depressed. People here have supported me. I had days I could do very little other than look after myself and rest. Now I am feeling a little better, I can move on again. I am learning that depression is not my enemy, how I react to it is!.

You mentioned you are finding it difficult obtaining help. While you are waiting to see a psychologist or counsellor would you consider phoning help lines like Beyond Blue and Lifeline? I have found them very helpful.

Online there are many resources available. I borrow books from the library and ask the library attendants for books they may be able to order in on say depression or different forms of treatment.

You could Google CBT and see if there are resources that make sense to you. Having a look before you find a therapist to help might be an opportunity to gain some understanding how CBT helps.

I've learnt that trying to be happy all the time is not achievable for me. Trying to be content is a great start for me. Finding things to be thankful for helps me. Appreciating the good stuff and writing it down in a Thankfulness or a Gratitude diary helps. Even if it is just, I had a healthy breakfast. I went for a walk. I felt the sun on my face. So much to be thankful for in all those comments!

Please know this is a safe place to share.

I read a quote this morning that has helped me; " Don't let the bad days make you think you have a bad life".

Wishing you moments of peace and calm, regards form Doolhof

[Mark Z.]

Hi Roula,

Welcome to the BB forum, and thanks for sharing your story, all you have described is important.

There's no doubt that the pandemic makes all of us much harder to access the resources. I would suggest you to give BB hotline a call, to ask some referral. The professionals should have up-to-date resources, and also should be give helpful suggestions.

Recovery is a long journey and it's not linear. You're the master of yourself, when you're at a good mood, think about things (including all little things) that can make you happy, write them down, and try to do one thing a day, do not push yourself too hard.

Except finding a really good phycologist who can help with the diagnose and treatment, I guess you need someone to accompany and provide long term on-going support. It'll be perfect if you have someone from your family or close friends can do this. Otherwise you can think about accessing peer worker or peer group, who have similar lived experience and can understand and support you.

Hopefully everything will get better and better.

Mark