Hi Bellashadow and a warm welcome to you!
I know it sounds a little cliche but it's never too late to find peace, as long as we're looking to better understand our self. May sound a bit weird but we need to know exactly who we're dealing with (that aspect of self), the one who for some reason prevents us from being liberated. This self, shaped by experiences and limited beliefs, is what prevents us from moving on and becoming someone else (that future self we long to be).
Our long held destructive beliefs can act like the bars of our psychological prison; one by one put in place over time. Once certain beliefs disappear we gradually come to face our freedom. A change in beliefs can take someone from being a victim to a victor. They can transport an egotist into a soulful spiritual life. They can even be powerful enough to transform a devoted meat eater into a vegan and animal activist. All moments in history which involve positive evolution have come about through a change in beliefs, a change in perception.
Of course, I'm not sure what took place when you were 9 years old but whatever it may be has obviously left you behind bars and I feel for you so very much. Discovering the long held beliefs in relation to the events that took place back then (and working on those false beliefs) may help you remove what stands in the way, between you and peace. Quite often, the memories that cause us the greatest pain point exactly to where we can find liberation and growth. They may be incredibly painful to face yet life changing once we face them with a new perception.
One bar at a time Bellashadow. If you at any stage believed that reaching out here was not something you should do, then you have just removed the first bar. It is through the conscious removal of the first where hope and evolution come to life.
Take care
